“I’m sure it’s a hardship,” I teased, motioning to where Sabrina scowled at the both of us before setting the board back on the desk.
I settled at one of the stations, pulling out all the ingredients I’d brought with an odd sense of satisfaction from Drew’s lack of interest in Sabrina. This was exactly the involvement I didn’t want. I shouldn’t care where Drew’s interests were or weren’t. My sole priority was to ensure I knew what I was doing in class, so I could graduate and support my kid. To my dismay, knowing I shouldn’t care didn’t actuallystopme from caring.
I got to work, losing myself doing what I loved to do best, and what I was good at. The money I spent on ingredients and the time I spent here tonight was all to prove a point to myself. The issue in class today wasn’t because I didn’t know what I was doing; it was from being too tired to focus.
“You really get in the zone, don’t you?” Drew noted from behind me as he approached my station. I stole a glance at the sinful dark eyes and thick lashes as I stirred.
“I screwed up in class today, so I came here for extra practice. I guess I need to sleep after all.” I sighed and lowered the heat. “Or, maybe I’m just out of practice.”
“Yeah, right. Overachiever.” Drew crossed his arms and shook his head at me.
“Ha,” I scoffed. “I think that’s the first time I’ve been called that.”
“Seriously? I could tell in five seconds. You could probably cook with your eyes closed. You don’t fumble around like I see most of the students do here.” He lowered his voice as he came closer . . . his buttery sweet voice. Something on him had to be unattractive, but hell if I could find it. Again, why attempting a friendship with this guy was a terrible idea.
“Well, my eyes were almost closed in class today and I didn’t do such a great job. Soups were always my thing which is why messing up today pissed me off so much. My daughter was sick last week, and her father told me she only wanted my soup. He tried giving her the packaged stuff and she said no.” A sad laugh fell from my lips. I hated how I couldn’t take care of her while she was sick but loved that she wanted something only from me. Being away from her for so long had my insecurities running haywire.
“At least he’s trying to take care of her, finally.”
“Well . . .” I shrugged. “That’s not really his fault.”
“How?” Drew squinted at me. “Were you and her father . . . together for long?”
I lifted my head to Drew, holding in a cringe. There was no good way to tell this story. Getting pregnant by someone you knew for less than twenty-four hours, regardless if it was the only time it happened, didn’t say much for your character.
“I’m sorry.” His face crumpled in a contrite wince. “I didn’t mean to be—”
“No, it’s . . . we weren’t. I only knew him for one night, but one night was all it took.” I offered a nervous laugh. “It’s not something I’d ever done before. It just sort of happened.”
He held up his hand. “No need to explain. I’m familiar with things that sort of happen.”
“I bet.” I nodded to Sabrina, who in the time we were all here hadn’t really cooked anything. The only heat coming from her station was her sultry glare at Drew.
“Not that. Believe me. I like a little substance, someone who won’t offer everything until I’ve worked for it.” His eyes leveled on me, causing me to squirm under his perusal. I blinked and focused on my bisque, ignoring the challenge in his stare.
“Anyway, how is it not his fault he hasn’t taken care of her until now?”
I clicked my tongue against my teeth and leaned back in the chair. “He didn’t know about her. I knew how to find him but chose not to. I mean, he seemed nice enough, but I had no idea who he really was or how he’d react. Once he found us, he surprised me by actually wanting to be a father.”
“He found you? How?”
I bit the inside of my cheek, remembering the worst day of my life.
“He was friends with my daughter’s school principal. One day they called me in for a meeting, and as luck would have it, Josh was there for a visit. He had just moved back to New York. He took one look at her and the same weird eye color they shared and had figured it out in seconds.”
I left out the part when I ran, scared of how he’d react or if he’d try to take her. My fear, guilt, and wounded pride made us all miserable for quite a long time. Well, madememiserable. I was still fighting against all three, and it was exhausting.
Drew’s silence was unnerving. His eyes wide and still fixed on me. My life was a bad made-for-TV movie and I hated Drew seeing me differently after hearing all about my lowest point. Something about him made me open up and tell him things I hid from others. I never cared about what people thought, but I cared whathethought. Maybe I’d found the one thing to make him back off.
“Josh is a great father,” I continued. “I never gave him a chance, and both he and Victoria suffered for it. Aren’t you glad you asked?” I poured the soup into a container after it cooled, satisfied with my culinary ability but disgusted with myself for other reasons.
I omitted the horror show of acclimating to Josh’s presence in our lives. I had so much to atone for and the path to redemption was long and uphill.
“You had no idea who he was then, and now,” Drew finally said, “he may’ve turned out to be a good dad, but how could you have known that? He could’ve been the complete opposite.” He inched closer and squeezed my shoulder. “Sara, you did what you had to do. You’re a great mom. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.” He gave me a small smile that, for the first time, allowed some of the self-loathing to dissipate and circle the drain.
My throat thickened as he strolled back to the front desk. Why did I tell him everything, and why didn’t he back away?
Having real friends took some getting used to.
