From that moment on, you were mine. I waved off Evan and marched up to you. I tried to come up with a smooth line along the way, but as I approached a slow smile spread across your beautiful face and all the words caught in my throat. You laughed and said, "What took you so long?" You had my number before I even spoke to you.
Although we promised to always belong to each other, that's null and void once I'm in a plot at St. Raymond's Cemetery. I don't want you to be alone. If you meet someone you think you could love, do it. Go. It's not as if I'd be alive anymore. If I were, I'd be pretty pissed off, but I sure as hell know I won't be able to give you what a living human being can. Don't fight me. Just nod. Take a look at my Aunt Tess. Don't let me die thinking that's your future. You can't do that to me.
I guess what I'm trying to say is: I love you. I love you more than I ever thought possible to love anyone. You lit up my every day, even in the darkest moments. I'll love you from wherever I'm going.
You'll always be my Valentine. I didn't need a Hallmark card to tell you that.
Love always,
Jack
I’D ALWAYS LOVEDweddings. Even as a little kid playing flower girl at my Aunt Dawn’s wedding, I was all about love and romance. Ever since I could remember, I rated movies by romantic grand gestures and breathtaking kisses. So yes, I was a lifelong romantic. When I fell in love, even though I was only a teenager, it was cinematic perfection. For most of my life, I was lucky enough to live out my fairy tale—and it was beautiful.
Until it was gone.
Now . . . well . . . Now was different. When fate ripped away your perfectly scripted happily ever after, events like weddings were pretty much like everything else—hollow. When your prince was in a cemetery instead of right by your side, where he swore he’d always be, it made even the most romantic of souls cynical and bitter.
But I had to shove that away today. Today, my two best friends were getting married. They fought like hell to get here, and I refused to be anything but elated for them both. I plastered on the biggest grin I could muster until my cheeks ached to give them the day they deserved.
Even though Jackshouldhave been Evan’s best man. Even though heshouldhave shared a dance with the cousin he loved like a sister on the most important day of her life. At least he saw them fall in love. In fact, he predicted this day before anyone else did. My husband always worried about Paige and died content in knowing she had someone who loved her enough to overlook the “stupid shit she liked to pull.”
I strolled down the long hallway to the dressing room they were calling the bridal suite today. Evan and Paige put their wedding together in a couple of weeks. The owner of the restaurant was a long-time customer of Taylor’s Flooring, the company Jack owned and left to Evan. Although it wasn’t the biggest of places, it had good food and a room with a dance floor. The wedding itself was more for show, as they were both perfectly happy trudging down to City Hall and saying vows in front of a judge. Paige’s mother wasn’t having any of that, but Evan refused to wait any longer to marry his “Daisy.” After an awful lupus flare had brought Paige to the ICU last year, Evan told me he was done wasting any more time. I was sure Jack’s death had a little to do with that, too. Since he was first diagnosed with leukemia, Jack’s favorite line used to be ‘live for today.’ I had a hard time abiding by that as, other than my son, there wasn’t anything about any day to live for.
Since Jack’s funeral, I ‘got by’ more than I lived.
“Paige?” I tapped on the door and inched it open.
Paige’s back was to me, her long blonde hair flowing down her shoulders in loose curls. Her folded hands were pressed against her lips as her elbows rested on the vanity. She turned her head, and her body jerked when she saw me standing there.
“Geez, Ellie.” Paige’s emerald eyes were glassy as her lips tilted in a smile. “Those tiny feet make you a great ninja.” A tear escaped the corner of her eye, and she swiped it away as though she were adjusting her makeup.
“Yeah, we little folk are sneaky. Are you okay?” Paige turned away from me as she nodded a little too quickly.
“Fine. I guess this is all hitting me. I’m actually getting married, Ellie. After all this time, after all I put Evan through, it’s surreal to bethishappy, you know?” Paige looked into the mirror and smoothed the tendrils of hair framing her face. Her lacy strapless dress hugged every curve perfectly. Evan would melt the second he laid eyes on her.
“You sure that’s it?” I settled on the chair next to her and brushed the hair off her shoulder.
“I . . . I can’t bother you with this, Ellie.” Paige reached for her lip gloss and tried in vain to coat her lips with a steady hand.
I laughed to myself. I was Jack’s widow, but most definitely not the only person affected by his loss. But since I was his wife, everyone thought my grief outranked theirs and were afraid to mourn him in front of me. I supposed if my son were older than a baby and remembered his father, they would treat him the same way.
“Try me.” I propped my elbow on the vanity and rested my chin on my hand, lifting an eyebrow.
Her chest heaved as she drew in a deep breath. “He’s supposed to be here! We dideverythingtogether! Communion, confirmation, every graduation, we shared the same birthday for Christ’s sake. This is the most important day of my life, and where the hell is Jack?” Paige pinched the bridge of her nose as a sad chuckle fell from her lips. “And the funny part is I’m actually mad at him for that. Like really pissed off, as if he died on purpose. I need fucking help.” Her jaw clenched as she shook her head. “I’m sorry, Ellie.”
I nodded and put my arms around her shoulders. “You and Jack grew up like twins. Closer than any siblings I ever knew. Today is your wedding day. I’m so sorry he’s not here to celebrate with you because I know there is nothing he would have loved more than to see you marry Evan. He loved you so much, and you loved him. I’ll let you take the grief baton for the day.”
Paige burst out into giggles and dropped her head to the table. I kissed the top of her head and pushed her back.
“Now stop! You don’t want to ruin your makeup.”
“Ellie, I think they put this shit on with a roller. I’ll be scrubbing it off for days.”
I laughed and rose from my seat. “I’ll go find Evan and your uncle and tell them you’re ready.”
Paige picked up her bouquet of daisies and ran her fingers along the delicate petals. She nodded with a wistful smile. “I sure am.”
I left Paige and sauntered down the hallway to the banquet room. Everyone was in place, including the jumpy groom pacing around the entrance.
