“All right, Cupcake.” He kissed my forehead and cupped my cheek. “Whatever you need.”
I reached up to grab his wrist and turned my head to kiss his palm. “Thanks.”
It was funny how life worked. When we were young, I always thought Josh and I could be so happy together if he only got out of his own head.
Now the one trapped in her own thoughts was me, and I had no clue how to escape.
I settled at a table in the back of the shop and totally looked the part. Mac book opened, latte in hand, brooding expression. I was the mysterious writer I’d always dreamed I’d be. Only caveat, instead of pounding away at the keys and filling the empty page with words, I browsed Pinterest. I surveyed the new fall boots and different styles of Ombre highlights, somehow feeling soothed. It was a nice mind-numbing task, unlike Facebook or Instagram where a cute kid picture or a “Hey, I’m pregnant!” status popped up.
“Look at you!” My head raised to Reid’s voice. “Official writer sitting in a coffee shop.” He laughed as he slid into the seat across from me at the table.
“If you saw my screen, you wouldn’t think I was so official. Still run in the mornings?” I motioned to his track pants and damp T-shirt.
“Yeah, I promised Missy I’d bring her a Nutella muffin from here before I went home. I don’t want to mess with her.” He chuckled, but the mirth quickly faded from his face.
“Because she’s . . . pregnant, right?” I cocked my head as I lifted my cup to my lips.
“I didn’t know you knew.” He regarded me with caution. I laughed to myself. I usually only got this look from Josh.
“I ran into her at the gym last week and she told me all about it. Now she’s out of the first trimester and she can tell everyone she sees, I believe were her words. I’m happy for you.” I reached over the table and squeezed his hand. “I should’ve called you to congratulate you. I’m sorry.”
“Oh no, Bri, don’t be sorry. It’s just I didn’t—”
“You didn’t want to tell me. I guess Josh told you?”
He nodded. “The day you ran—he called me and we were both worried about you. I checked in the next morning, and—anyway, how are you holding up?”
I shrugged as I drew back in the chair. “I go back and forth. For a little while I thought I was making progress, but now that we’re moving to a new place with Victoria . . . I guess I’m back to mourning what could have been. She’s the only child that will live with us. The third bedroom will just be storage.” My gaze fell to a woman with a double stroller waiting by the barista. I always pitied women who had to push one of those things, and now I had a twinge of jealousy. Nothing made sense lately.
“You don’t know that. Family is so much more than only biology. I never met my biological father.”
My eyes narrowed. “Mr. O’Connor isn’t your real father?”
Reid burst out laughing. “Bri, he’s got dirty blond hair and freckles. I don’t really think I look . . . Irish, do you?”
“I don’t know, I remember in biology with that grid about blue eyes and brown hair and recessive genes or whatever, I thought you favored your mom.”
“Yeah, I remember you passing that class by the skin of your teeth.” I kicked him under the table as he snickered. “My mom was young when she had me; they both were. She met my dad when I was three, and when they got married he adopted me and gave us both his name. Maybe I don’t share blood with that man, but he’s my father. The fact that you never knew otherwise should say something. There are a lot of different families, you just need to rethink your expectations. Look how quickly Victoria took to you. There are a ton of kids out there who need good homes. Before I committed to education, I tried social work for a bit. I still have contacts, too—when and if you guys are ever ready to talk about options.”
“Thanks, Reid. Victoria is Josh’s clone; I’ll never have that. I guess it’s a silly thing to get upset about.”
“No, it’s not. But there is more to being a parent than passing along DNA. My dad taught me everything. Just because your kid won’t have your nose doesn’t mean you won’t be their parent. Any child would be lucky to have you as a mother.”
Unexpected tears welled in my eyes and pissed me off. I’d managed to turn most of the sadness into resentment, but it seeped out every once in a while.
“It’s stupid . . . it’s not like we were trying to have kids right now, it’s that . . .” I trailed off.
“It’s a new reality you didn’t expect. And you won’t wake up one day and be totally fine with it. You may never be, but you can digest it one bite at a time, like my grandma used to say.” His lips twitched with a smile.
“One bite at a time. I like that.” I leaned my elbows on the table. “You’re like that friend in the movies with all the answers. Even when we were kids.”
Reid chuckled and rose from his seat. “As long as I’m not the black friend in all the horror movies who gets picked off first, I’m good with that.” He planted a kiss to my forehead. “I better get this home before the texts start. Do what makes you happy, Bri. You guys fought for a long time to be where you are right now. The other stuff . . .” he dropped a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “It’ll work itself out.”
I nodded as Reid strolled out the door. What made me happy was Josh. Being with Josh, coming home to Josh, figuring out my future with Josh—whatever it turned out to be. When all was said and done, I only wanted him. That was a constant since I was a child. Now I had him, so what was I waiting for?
Nothing.
A smile curved my lips as I shut my computer closed and sauntered out the door. Maybe the sting of not being able to have Josh’s baby would always burn, but I had him. And he had me.
