Josh
I WAS Awheeled vehicle mechanic in the army and helped my crew build new bikes all the time. Building my girlfriend a bookcase from scratch shouldn’t have taken me an entire fucking lifetime. I’d prepped the design and wood at the shop but waited to take it home to actually put the damn thing together. It took what seemed like forever to make sure every shelf, nail, and screw was perfect.
Brianna self-published her book last week and insisted not to make a big deal out of it. To me, that was ahugedeal. Even if she never wrote another book, she hoarded the ones she read all over the apartment. My cupcake deserved something huge and amazing for such an awesome accomplishment. How amazing this would be when all was said and done, who knew? But I’d work my ass off until it was as close as I could get it.
I had the base built in the living room and was about to screw in the shelves. The whole place was a mess, but I didn’t have much space to work with. The bang of the door slamming made me jump. I’d taken off today to finish when she got home from work and didn’t expect her home so early. My surprise was ruined before it was even built.
Before I could explain what I was doing, Brianna whizzed right passed me into our bedroom. She banged this door closed, too. A bad feeling traveled up the fibers of my spine.
“Hey,” I called out as I knocked on the door. She didn’t expect me to be home either and didn’t say a word to me or even look in my direction. After five unanswered knocks, I pushed the door open and found her stuffing the contents of her dresser drawers into a duffel bag.
“Bri, what’s going on? Where are you going?” Her eyes were red and swollen, looking everywhere but mine. My stomach churned as I watched my unglued woman grab random things around our bedroom and cram them into a little bag. It wasn’t the act of someone going on a short trip. She was leaving. It made no sense as this was her apartment, but the frantic way her gaze darted around the room and how she moved at warp speed said otherwise.
“I . . . I need to get away.” Her jaw clenched as she attempted to pull the zipper across the overflow.
“What?” I was too shocked to have any affect to my words. I needed her to explain before I grabbed her ankles to stop her.
“I can’t stay here right now.” She yanked the bag off the bed, almost falling backward from the jerky movements her agitated body was making. I would have found it comical if my life wasn’t falling apart.
“Can’t stay here?” I choked out an angry laugh. “What the fuck is going on, Brianna? Something happened in between the time I made love to you this morning and what you’re saying now. I know you better than anyone, so let’s try again, only this time you tell me the truth.” I stepped in front of her to block her quick escape.
“I’m staying at Amanda’s for a few days. I’ll call you.”
I held her watery gaze and did a slow shake of my head. “You’re scaring me,” I whispered. “Because whatever is making you leave me has to be pretty fucking awful. You would never do it otherwise. Baby,” I crooned as I cupped her cheek. Her eyes clenched shut, as if my touch brought her pain. For a brief second, she tilted her head and leaned in. “Tell. Me.”
“I need to leave. Get out of the way, Josh.” Her hands pushed into my chest, trying to get me to move. My jaw clenched as I shook my head.
“No.” I wouldn’t budge an inch, not until she told me the truth.
“Just let me go, please.” Huge tears streamed down her cheeks as she begged.
I never cried and was about to bawl like a damn baby. She was my reason and my purpose, even in the years we spent apart.Especiallyduring those years, in fact. Life without Brianna? Therewasno real life for me without her as far as I was concerned. But I wasn’t getting any answers from her now, and being in my presence only seemed to upset her more.
I kissed her cheek, studying the way her face crumpled into a sob when my lips touched her skin.
“I’ll give you some time, but I won’t let you go.”
I feasted on Brianna like a glutton every time we were together, still unable to shake the feeling that someday she’d wise up and leave. This was my greatest fear realized, but it made no sense. Twelve hours ago, we were happy and in love, and now she couldn’t stand the sight of me. Was this how she felt when I left? Watching me fall apart in front of her and not being able to do a damn thing about it? It was the worst kind of helplessness—the kind that makes you want to gnaw off a limb in frustration. I stepped aside to let her leave, my body weak as the air left my lungs. Without my cupcake, I couldn’t breathe.
She rushed past me and out the door. I took in a shaky breath as my frazzled brain tried to make sense of what just happened. In fifteen minutes, my entire life imploded, and I had no idea why. I rubbed at the hollow ache in my chest where my heart used to be.
For the next two hours, I stared into space from the corner of the couch. I glanced around the room, at all the pictures we’d put up since I moved in. Some from when we were young; others as recent as last week. We were happy, truly and completely. What would make Brianna run away like that? Before today, I would have never thought anything would make her leave. Sure, she didn’t agree to marry me, but I knew that was due to bad timing and shitty delivery. What we had was real, the only real thing I ever could count on.
Not having a clue what my next move should be or how to even function, I dialed Reid’s number. He was as shocked as I was when I told him she bolted from her own apartment because she needed space.
“Nah, dude. That’s not her. She’d never leave you. And you gave her plenty of reasons to over the years.”
I nodded at Reid even though he couldn’t see me. He was one-hundred percent right. She should have run from me years ago, but she never did. Not being able to count on that anymore brought a queasy feeling to the pit of my stomach.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m worried. She wouldn’t do this.”
“You’re right. I’m worried too, man. Can you get in contact with Amanda and see what’s going on?”
I groaned. “I shot her a text but no answer. It’s all I can do not to storm over there and break down the door.”
“I can try to reach out. She won’t tell me if she didn’t tell you, but at least I could check on her.”
I breathed a small sigh of relief. “Thank you,” I sighed into the phone.
