Brianna trekked across the snow-covered sidewalk, too enraged to remember she was afraid of icy streets. My eyes followed her until she disappeared around the corner.
Scott jetted back into the house and slammed the screen door.
I didn’t choose her. I loved her. There was no choice to make. We belonged together.
And I wouldn’t leave her doorstep until I made her believe that.
Brianna ~ Past
“I THINK THISis going to be great for you!” Mom chirped as she threw more sunscreen into our cart. “This is just the time away you need before college starts!”
With a smile plastered across my face, I nodded. Did I really want to be a camp counselor in upstate New York for six weeks this summer, battling mosquitos, various forms of wildlife, and snotty little preteens? Not particularly. But did I want to mope around my house the entire summer, tear up every time I glanced down the street at Josh’s now vacant house or dodge phone calls from the only two girlfriends I had in my senior class? That was a big hell no.
The only time my eyes didn’t sting was during graduation. Girls around me sobbed as they clutched onto each other through the entire ceremony, whispers of “I can’t believe it’s over!” fluttering all around me. I sat in my cap and gown with a long, bored face. “Get me the hell out of here,” was the only phrase on my lips. High school without Josh was excruciating, so I embraced being an introvert for the second half of my senior year. After Josh left, the questions about his departure were constant for a couple of months, the tales of what he did getting taller with each new friend wanting to show their “concern.”
Is it true he used to fight for money for Gio? Is that why he got into so many fights at school, too?
I heard they had orgies at Gio’s house. Did you ever *giggle* go with him? Weren’t you guys a thing?
I heard Josh isn’t in the military; he’s serving time at Rikers Island—in solitary—because he’s so dangerous. Is that true?
Eventually, fodder for gossip faded, and I was granted my wish of being left the hell alone. What I didn’t tell anyone was that I checked my mailbox every single day for a letter from Josh. After the way he acted before he left, a letter from him was as likely as snow in June, but I still kept up hope. It killed me not to know how he was doing. I hoped the time away cleared his head a little bit, although thinking of him in dog tags and a uniform was surreal. My mind would drift to what he was doing right now. I kept picturing the rain scene inRenaissance Man, a movie we watched over and over when life was a whole lot simpler.
I needed to get out of my own head and stop staring at the four walls of my bedroom; hence my reason for heading to the country, away from my mailbox and anything else that disappointed me.
“Bri!” I recognized Reid’s voice behind me. He was one of the good guys and checked on me all the time. But, unlike me, he moved on. Sure, he’d manage to pull me out of my house for a slice of pizza every once in a while, but I never took him up on hanging out with the new group of friends he’d found. He’d had a happy rest of senior year, and I’d heard he was even nominated for prom king. Heard, since I wouldn’t step anywhere near our prom. Too many shattered hopes and unrequited dreams kept me from even considering entering that catering hall. Well that, and no one asked me. Even Anthony Colon stopped asking me out, not that I ever really considered taking him up on it. Everyone moved forward except me, why I felt leaving altogether was my only option. I’d found a college in another borough that no one in my high school was planning to attend. It was close enough to home and far from everyone else. I was the only teenager praying for summer to race by.
“Hi, Reid. How are you?”
“I’m good!” He folded his arms and nodded. “Hi, Mrs. Morgan. That’s a lot of sunscreen.” He peered into our cart as a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth.
“Brianna is headed upstate next week. She’ll be outdoors all the time and burns easily. Oh wait, you need bug spray, too!” Mom shuffled to the end of the aisle, abandoning our cart.
“Upstate?” Reid’s lips pursed.
“Camp counselor.” I gave him an exaggerated salute. “I figured a change in scenery before college would do me some good. New people, all that good stuff.”
He gave me a slow nod. “I’m doing that, too, but at a day camp close by. I wish I would have known you wanted to do that, they had a lot of openings. Some of the guys from school . . .” He trailed off as he let out a chuckle. “But I guess that wouldn’t have appealed to you.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes, you guessed right. Not that I wouldn’t like to hang out with you, but it’s all still raw, I guess. Pathetic, aren’t I?”
His face softened as he shook his head. “No, Bri. I just wish—I wish that you’d find someone worthy of all that loyalty. You deserve it.”
I nudged his shoulder with mine. “You, too. Are you excited about NYU?”
“Yeah, I am, actually. Knowing what my major is, I don’t need so many prerequisites as I figure it out.”
“You already know what your major is?” I knew I wanted to write but hadn’t the faintest idea of how to translate that into a possible career. I figured that’s what college was for—to find myself. Well, to find myself away from anyone else I knew.
“Education. Maybe guidance counselor. I haven’t quite figured that part out yet. Maybe I could, I don’t know, help kids that are in trouble. I’ve seen what happens when they just get ignored.”
And there went the familiar lump in my throat and burning in my nose at the mention of Josh. Maybe he didn’t say his name, but we both knew exactly who he meant.
“I think that’s awesome, Reid.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “Keep in touch, okay?”
His chest shook with a laugh. “I’m the only one you won’t be able to shake.”
“Have you,” I gulped before I continued. “Heard from Josh at all?” Since that awful night on Gio’s lawn, Reid and Josh hadn’t spoken a word to each other.
