“Me too . . . I’m . . . I’m proud of you, too,” I stammered, grasping at anything I could to direct us to an easier subject. “You’re a success.”
Josh spun me around and pulled my body flush to his. I took in a sharp gasp as he threaded his fingers into my hair. “Not quite. I’ll be a success when I can call the woman I’ve loved my whole life mine.” His eyes seared into mine, and I forgot how to breathe. My gaze landed on his lips as he framed my face in his hands, running his thumbs along my cheekbones.
“Josh,” I whispered. “I told you. We can’t—”
“We can, and I am. We’ve waited long enough.” His lips brushed mine, and I was lost. I always knew the second I got a taste, I would be powerless against him. My lips parted as I grabbed the back of Josh’s head to deepen the kiss. His tongue made long sweeps inside my mouth, as if he was dying of thirst and drinking in as much of me as he could. A needy mewl escaped my throat when he broke the kiss to catch his breath. His hooded eyes singed my skin, saying so many things I wasn’t ready to hear. I crashed my lips back to his and flung my arms around his neck. A lifetime of loving him and missing him poured out and into that kiss. My fingertips glided over his torso as his body trembled under my touch. Light caresses became frantic as he fisted my hair and I clutched the material of his shirt so hard I ripped off a button. Josh’s lips were new and familiar all at once. His scorching kisses were soothing, and my body burst with both excitement and peace.
This was how it always should have been. I wished I could rewrite our story. I’d fix it so I’d never lose him in the first place, and we’d never hurt anyone on our way back to each other.
We pulled apart panting. A goofy smile spread on his lips before he pulled me into his chest.
“I can’t come back from that. I don’t want to share your kisses with Scott or anyone else. They’re mine, like the rest of you.” Josh pulled back and tapped my chin. “Same as I’m all yours. I’ve been yours since we were kids. I didn’t deserve you then—and I probably still don’t.”
“Josh, that’s not—” He laid his finger against my lips and shook his head.
“But I love you. God, I love you so much.” His voice was husky as he cupped my cheek and drifted his thumb back and forth along my jaw. My eyes watered as my head spun. I’d waited my entire life to hear that from Josh. Not the “I love you, friend’” we threw back and forth all the time. Joshlovedme.
“You were my light, Bri,” he went on. “Then and now. I pushed you away because I thought you were better off, but I belong with you. Even in the darkest times, all the fights and shitty decisions, that’s the one thing I knew with absolute fucking certainty.” He chuckled to himself before he shook his head. A hazy smile spread across his face. “That was worth waiting a lifetime for.”
Josh kissed my forehead and took my hand. “We should eat. We aren’t doing that well to waste a steak dinner. There’s even dessert, Cupcake.”
He beamed at me, and it made my heart flutter and break at the same time. I opened my mouth to say something, but Josh’s lips stole my breath and my words. Thank God we didn’t kiss when we were young. The near misses screwed with my head enough back then. No one would’ve compared after that, not that they ever did.
We went back into the dining room and took our seats, but food was the last thing on my mind as I scraped my steak back and forth across my plate. The rest of the evening consisted of stilted conversation and side glances of longing. My lips burned from our kiss, our very first kiss that shouldn’t have taken this many years to happen.
We didn’t speak as Josh drove me home. He pulled up in front of my building, neither of us looking in the other’s direction or saying a word.
“Goodnight, Josh.” I reached for the door handle, but he pulled me back by my other arm and planted a closed-mouth, but lengthy kiss on my lips. Before I could help myself, I planted two more pecks on his lips. He gave me a sad smile as his finger drifted down my cheek. “Goodnight, Bri. Thanks for coming.”
“You’re welcome,” I whispered as I stepped out of the truck.
I ran upstairs to my apartment and changed into my favorite flannel pajamas. I usually saved them for sickness and sadness. Judging by the tears flowing down my cheeks and queasiness in my belly, tonight qualified as both. Josh kissed me—both times—but my more than willing participation made me ill. All the same, I didn’t regret it. I needed to finally face what that meant.
I dug my phone out of my bag and plugged it in. There were two missed calls and a voicemail from Scott.
Hey babe. It feels like I haven’t heard your voice all week. I miss it. I miss you. It’s been a rough patch for us, but the New Year will be amazing. I promise. I’ll make up for all the attention I should’ve been paying to you. I love you, Brianna. I’ll call you tomorrow before we go to your parents’ house. Sweet dreams.
Through the blur of tears, I checked the time of Scott’s call. A little over an hour ago, right around the time I was lip locked with Josh on the balcony.
Oh God, what was I doing?
I knew what I wanted to do. I knew what Ishoulddo. But I had no fucking clue what I wasgoingto do.
Happy holidays to me.
Josh
“MERRY CHRISTMAS, JOSH!”Mrs. Morgan flung her arms around my neck.
“Sorry I’m early. Thanks for having me,” I whispered and gazed into her warm brown eyes.
“Hey, Josh.” Mr. Morgan came up behind her and offered his hand. “Merry Christmas! Glad you could make it.”
“Me too; thank you for inviting me.” I wanted to saysorry my presence is going to make this night as uncomfortable as fuck for everyone, but I held my tongue.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” Mrs. Morgan squeezed my shoulder.
“I’ll get him a beer, Julie.” Brianna’s father gave me a wink before strolling into the kitchen.
