“I can picture you, glaring at me with your arms crossed. You already know. I’m getting married tomorrow. To Nick, Evan’s friend. Evan told me you liked Nick, and it gives me a strange peace knowing you’d be happy with my choice. Nick is a good dad already.” I blinked away the first tear. “And, I’m pregnant. But you know that, too. Kinda hard not to notice.”
I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and rubbed my stomach with the other. “Was I this huge with Jack so fast? I can’t remember. This wasn’t planned.” I laughed, shaking my head. “She snuck up on us. Well, I don’t really know it’s a ‘she,’ but Nick insists.” I swallowed the growing lump in my throat.
“I need to let you go. I waited for you, even though you weren’t coming back. When I was ready to love someone, I wouldn’t because I was still waiting for you. I love Nick, even though I kept trying to deny it. But not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. That would be pretty impossible anyway since I’m living with your clone. He looks more and more like you every single day. He’s even got your side smirk.”
A guttural sob rolled through me. I would always hate the fact that my son didn’t remember his father.
“I love you. You’ll always be my first love, and it took a long time not to feel guilty that you weren’t my last. But I know you didn’t want that. I think you can rest easy now.”
I leaned forward and pressed a kiss between the C and K in his name.
“Sleep well, babe.”
I rose from the ground, shaking off the blanket as I headed to my car. I was sad but lighter. It was okay to love Nick and treat Jack’s memory as just that—a memory.
Before I buckled my seat belt, there was a jab in my side. Indigestion was a new gift from the pregnancy gods. I started the engine and felt the same jab, only on the other side. It wasn’t gas—it was a kick.
I drifted my hand over my belly and grabbed my phone.
Me: The baby just kicked.
Nick: No way! Really?
Me: An unmistakable poke in the ribs. She’s a troublemaker already.
Nick: You think it’s a girl, too! I knew it.
Me: She could still be a he.
Nick: Except she’s not.
Me: So sure of yourself.
Nick: Did you do what you needed to do?
Me: Yes. All done.
Nick: So come home, sweetheart.
Me: On my way.
I found someone to love, and I loved him with everything in me and more, even though I swore to Jack it was impossible.
I laughed as I drove away. Jack still had the last word.
“HEY! IS EVERYONEready?” I closed the front door behind me, afraid to turn around. If Ellie wasn’t ready and I caught a glimpse of her, she would flip out on me. She was so adamant about this ridiculous not-seeing-her-until-we-got-married rule, she made me wake up at the butt-crack of dawn and get dressed at my apartment. It was silly, but if adhering to an old wives’ tale made this day more special for her, I was happy to oblige.
“Mommy told me to tell you almost.” Jack trudged over to me, pulling at his collar. “Do I really have to wear a tie? It’s choking me.” He sputtered out a cough as he tried without success to slip his finger between the shirt material and his throat.
I chuckled to myself and knelt to fix his shirt.
“Hey, feel lucky you don’t go to Catholic School. Every single day for eight years at Sacred Heart, I had to wear a tie. Then another four at St. Michael’s.”
“Every day?” Jack’s mouth fell open. “That’s terrible.”
“Eh,” I shrugged. “I got used to it after a while. You can still wear the tie and keep the top button of your shirt open.” I slipped the button out of the offending slit and Jack uttered an exaggerated sigh of relief.
“See? No one will know.” I winked as I slapped his arms. Jack wore a black suit with a black tie. His spiky blond hair shone with a little product.
