“We’ve been ontwo dates, Jesse!And even then,who cares?”My voice is taking on a frantic edge, and his face is takingon a similar one. Somehow, I know this tentative friendship we’ve formed is about to implode.
“He’s not good enough for you.”
“What do you know about good enough for me? He’s fine,” I say, and he shakes his head mournfully.
“You don’t deservefine,Hallie. You deserve perfect. You deserve spectacular. You deserve a man who knows you hate when ketchup touches your food. You deserve a man who knows you would rather die than drink a beer and that you never wear the proper footwear because you’d rather be comfortable than safe. And I don’t expect him to know all of that on the first or the second date, but at the very least, he should know your eyes are fucking green.”
Something warm blooms in my chest, and I fight it back. Unfortunately for my sanity, he’s not done.
“I know your favorite color is robin’s egg blue and that you keep celery on hand even though you don’t eat it because you made friends with a deer. I know you take too much fucking creamer in your coffee and that you have a freckle on your hip that I really can’t stop thinking about. I know what it sounds like when you’re laughing because you feel like you’re supposed to, and what it sounds like when you’re laughing because you really thought a joke was funny.”
His voice lowers, and my throat aches as he takes a small step closer.
“Jesse,” I say, my voice frail even to my own ears.
“He doesn’t know those things, but I do. I do, and it kills me to know you’ll give him a shot, but not me. Because what I know most of all is that you are meant to be mine.”
All of the fire I stormed in here with is gone, leaving smoldering embers in its wake.
He closes the gap between us, and my breathing halts, my heart beating so hard in my chest I’m shocked it’s not audible.He shifts his arm, sliding it along my lower back and pulling me into him, and against my better judgment, I let him.
“I can’t do it, Hallie,” he murmurs so low, but I hear him all the same.
“Do what?”
“Watch you fall in love with someone else, watch you let him in and give him a chance. I can’t do it.” From the look on his face, it’s a startling confession even to him, but he gives it to me nonetheless. “Not when I want that to be me.”
Everything in me comes crashing down.
Reality merges with girlish dreams and shatters into new understanding as panic fills me. “Jesse?—”
“I know you said it was temporary, and I got it. I still do. I was all for it, but you and I both know that night wasn’t just sex. It wasn’t just getting out of our systems, Hallie. It was more. It was us. It worked so well because we were always supposed to be that, and it terrifies you.”
My jaw slackens, and my breath comes in short, panicked breaths as I stare into his hazel eyes. I can’t help but recognize that he knows my eyes the same way I know his gold and green flecks, the tiny freckle beside his left eye, and the scar on his chin.
“You’re out of your mind,” I whisper.
“Fuck it. Then I’m out of my mind. That doesn’t change how I feel about you.” And then his head is dipping, his lips are on mine, and the world melts away.
It’s just as perfect as the first time in Vermont. It’s as healing as it was on Saturday and filled with need and desire andadorationas it was that night. Its lips and tongues and teeth, and my hands move up to cup his face, to hold him closer, to stop him from retreating. I have no idea what will happen next, but in this moment, I need this. I need him.
We continue like this, his body pressed to mine, a hand in my hair holding me where he wants me, my hands on his jaw grounding me before he finally pulls back and looks down at me, pleading and need on his face.
“Please,” he murmurs against my lips. “Give this a shot, Hallie. You belong here. With me. With Emma. I know you see that.”
For a moment, I almost give in. I almost sayfuck it, throw all my worries and concerns away, and do as he asks—as hepleads. Maybe I could be brave, maybe I could try this, maybe I could give in to what I’ve always wanted for more than just a night.
“Let’s see if we can make it work,” he adds, and the voice in my head whispers to me.See? Even hedoesn’t think it could really work. Don’t be stupid. You’ll do something stupid, and he’ll leave you the first chance he gets, and then what will you have?
I’m fighting with myself, battling to try and convince myself it would be worth it, worth the risk, worth the heartache, when my phone dings with a new text in my pocket, followed by another, and then my phone rings with a call, and reality sets in.
It’s probably Madden checking to see if I got home or Wren calling to see if I’m okay.
Good people.
My friends.
The family I’ve forged for myself. And with those tiny mechanical sounds, reality comes in.
