I’m pulled from my dreary musings when Jesse’s phone rings, my attention darting to him as he checks it and groans.
“Shit, that’s Dad.”
“Everything good?”
“Mom’s having us meet her in the office for aformal meeting.” He sighs, clearly exasperated by the entire ordeal. “She’s trying to get him to install a pick-your-own flower field, and he’s trying to see if I can talk her out of it.”
I roll my lips into my mouth, knowing that the way Mr. King loves his wife, by spring, he and Jesse will be out in the field of her choosing, tilling the ground and planting the most beautiful flower garden you’ve ever seen.
From the resignation on his face, Jesse knows that as well.
“Well, feel free to head out whenever. I’ve got it from here. Right, Em?” Emma nods eagerly, and I turn back to Jesse. “Anything I should know?”
He shakes his head, and I’m pleased to see the same hesitation that’s been on his face the past two mornings isn’t there as he speaks, eyes on me.
“Nope. You girls have fun. Be good.” Then he turns to his daughter. “Dinner at Grandma and Grandpa’s tonight, so no fine dining restaurant today, okay?”
A wide grin spreads on her face, and she nods before he pulls her in for a big hug and heads for the door.
From what I know, Jesse doesn’t usually work on weekends, and Sundays in particular are reserved to spend time with his daughter. Still, since the holidays are the busiest season at the farm and there’s a ton of decorations to take down before the next big snowstorm, he works nonstop in the days following Christmas to get things done.
Once the door slams behind him, this time seeming to be more functional than intentional, which is another improvement, I turn to Emma. “Okay, girlfriend, what do you want to do today?” I ask, even though I already have a plan in mind.
“Another thing from my board?” she asks with hope written on her face.
Although I agreed to watch her, finding that vision board was kind of a saving grace, since I had no real idea what to do this week. Now we’ve crossed off decorating her room and started learning to cook. Some of the items are entirely unfeasible for complete in one week, like watching Willa Stone perform live or learning to play the guitar, though I did file that one away to bring up to Wren, since I know child music prodigy Adam could probably teach her. But there are still a few things we can do, like make s’mores, learn to do her makeup, or get her hair professionally done.
Watching Emma’s excitement to get as much accomplished as she could before the end of the year has admittedly lit a fireunder my own ass, and when I got home that first night, I found the vision board I had made around the same time she made hers at the beginning of this year. I couldn’t help but feel a bit surprised when I realized just how many items on my yearly vision board Ihadn’taccomplished.
While I did accomplish most of the items related to my career on the board, like finally creating social media channels and a website for my business and getting two new clients, that’s all I accomplished.
I wanted to move out of the duplex I rent from my brother and get a pet.
I wanted to travel, to find more time to be silly, childish, and creative, and to visit places on the travel bucket list Wren and I made as kids.
I wanted to get more into photography.
I wanted a relationship—a goal I quickly crossed out the second the catastrophe that was Vermont happened—but it’s more than just that.
It was an alarming reminder that, lately, I’ve felt stagnant. My best friend finding her voice and standing up for herself while simultaneously finding the love of her life was a bit of a reality check for me, but finding that list nailed just how complacent I’ve become, leaving so many things unchecked.
But I can’t fix any of that right now. That can be a next year thing—thoughts and concerns, and goals to address when I make next year’s board. What Icando is make sure the girl in front of me gets the excitement of crossing things off her yearly list and has the best winter break possible.
Knocking myself out for my dull thoughts, I give Emma an excited look. In my bag are makeup, hair tools, and more nail products than two people could use, but I packed this morning on a mission.
“We have a family dinner at your grandparents’ today—how about we cross off learning to do your makeup and get all dolled up?”
Her eyes light up with my suggestion, and I grin.
SIX
After I get Dad to concede that we will build Mom a pick-your-own flower garden this spring, I head out onto the property to continue cleaning up. After two days of working harder than I have in some time, definitelynotin an effort to distract myself, I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of the decorations being taken down, and it couldn’t come soon enough, with a big storm forecasted for Tuesday. By three o’clock, I’m tired and cold and can’t stop thinking about my nice warm house, where my girl is probably having yet another perfect day with Hallie.
Hallie, who, when she walked in this morning, looked at me in a way I hadn’t seen in a long time. Like she was interested in me, like she liked what she saw.
A hundred of those glances and my clear misinterpretation of what they actually meant is how this mess started, though, so maybe I’m not the best judge of that.
Either way, with frozen fingers and little motivation to spend more time outside, I pack things up and make sure to feed the goats, chickens, and other small animals in the petting zoo area before heading home. When I walk in, a loud, carefree laugh fills the space, followed by a lighter, youngerone, and suddenly, the cold is gone. Warmth floods my system at the sound of my daughter laughing and chatting, and Hallie occasionally adds her own indecipherable murmurs. Quietly, as I take off my boots, jacket, and gloves, I listen to their murmured conversation and head toward the noise.
