I can’t help but roll my eyes at him.
“All of those are things I do because I want to, Jesse. In fact, I was doing those things before we were even together.” Finally, he looks to me, and his conflicted look nearly takes my breath away. This iseatingat him.
“I’ve seen your vision boards. You have dreams. You want to travel, you want to see things, and you want to go places.” I remember the look on his face when he and Emma were going through my vision boards, and nervous energy creeps in on a cool breeze, chilling me to the bone.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“You have dreams outside of this.” He gestures around the property, and somehow I know he means him and Emma. “Butall of mine have always been here. The farm, growing it, building it. One day, I’ll take over, and it’ll be mine. I’ve always wanted that—to have a family and build it at Three Kings, to give my kids the childhood I had. Travel and bucket lists and new hobbies and passions were never in that plan, but they are for you.”
I shift then, moving to the edge of my seat and reaching out to grab his hand. He stares at our twined fingers, but when I speak, his eyes go to me.
“My entire life, Jesse, I’ve had one consistent dream. I’ve made a dozen vision boards, and they’ve always had one thing in common.” I reach my other hand up to cup his face, brushing my thumb along the edge of his mustache and over his cheek, his hazel eyes soft as he stares at me. “All I’ve ever wanted was to have a family. To find someone who will love me, who I can chain to me, and make it hard just to leave. I have that here, with you.” I smirk then. “Unless you have some kind of exit strategy I don’t know about.” My joke doesn’t land, and he shakes his head.
“I’m less worried about wanting to leave you and more worried about not fulfilling you. I’ve fit you into the life we already had, Hallie. I don’t want you to look back in a year, two, or four and realize it’s not what you wanted, that you gave up everything you wanted to stay here.”
“That won’t happen,” I say with complete confidence.
“You can’t know that.” There’s a hint of panic in the words, his eyes wide and pleading for me to understand, and I wonder for a moment if this is what I looked like months ago when I was terrified to take that step with him.
What would he have done in this situation? He took baby steps, doing what he could to ease me into things and reassure me. Made a plan.
I can do that.
I can be that for him, the same way he is for me.
“I do know that, but I know that’s not something you can know. We’ll figure it out. We can do check-ins weekly, monthly, or whatever we need to make sure you feel secure in this, and that I do too. We can go to therapy, or journal, or make a yearly bucket list, if that helps. But right now, I’m happy. Right now, there’s no other place I’d rather be. Right now, we’re good. Right?”
He hesitates, and my heart pounds with that hesitation.
“Right,” he says finally. Another moment passes, silence filling the space before he lets out a heavy breath and leans down, pressing his lips to mine. Relief washes through me, and when he breaks the kiss, he presses his forehead to mine.
“I want all of your dreams to come true, Hallie. You’ve changed everything for me, made me realize what my life was missing, but I’m terrified that in five, ten, fifteen years, you’re going to look around and realize you’re now the one missing things."
“In five, ten, fifteen years, am I going to have you?”
“That’s the plan,” he says.
“Then I’ll have everything I need. If I have you, and I have Emma, and I have this life we’re building, I’ll have the whole world, Jesse.” He stares at me, and my pulse races when I don’t see the understanding or acceptance I thought would cross his face. Instead, I continue to see that battle, that doubt on his face.
I open my mouth to speak—to try and continue to reassure him, though I have no idea what I’ll say—but before I can, Emma’s voice trails through the door, and my head turns toward it.
“Dad? Hallie?”
“Be there in a sec, babe,” I call through the door. When I turn back to Jesse, he’s already standing, grabbing both of our mugs and moving toward the doors.
“I’ll get breakfast going, but I have some errands to run later. Will you two be good today without me?”
My brows furrow in confusion as I stand, following him through the door, sliding it shut behind me.
“It’s Sunday,” I say.
“I know. I’ll be done by dinner, but I spent a lot of time this week helping out Wren and moving you, and I need to catch up.” He doesn’t catch my eyes as he speaks, and that unease continues to move through me. He’s almost at the bedroom door when I reach out, grab his arm, and stop his retreat.
“Are we okay?” I ask, anxiety running through me. His face goes soft, and he wraps his free arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him.
“We’re good, Hallie. Sorry, I’m just in my head.”
I nod, though it’s half-hearted, but when he dips his head, softly pressing his lips to mine, some of the nerves melt away.
