“Steps have steps?!?”
“Yes. Now, make a list of five things you always wanted to do with Marco but never did. And don’t lie and just make stuff up. I want things that were like… actually possible or that you discussed doing and you just never got around to them.”
It was hard to write while the car was cruising through the streets, but by the time we arrived at the bookstore, I had written down my five things. Liam was already at my door before I could hand him the book, and a minute later, it was abandoned on his front seat. We stood outside the door of the bookstore that was far too familiar. I felt a little stab in my heart. Liam wrapped his arm around my waist and brought his lips to my ear.
“I’m not going to lie. This is going to suck.”
Then, before I could stop him, he gently pushed me forward and opened the door to the shop. The familiar scent of old paper filled my senses. Liam slipped his hand in mine and squeezed it.
“What in here reminds you most of Marco?”
I guided him through the store until we were at the travel section. The pain in my heart grew as I looked around. Pushing tears away, I motioned to the books in front of us.
“We used to come here and look through all of these books about far-off lands. Planning trips even when we knew we’d never be able to afford them. We used to say this was where our dreams could come true.”
Liam touched my cheek.
“You can cry, you know.”
I shook my head. Even through everything, I never cried for Marco. Somewhere inside, I was determined. I convinced myself that he didn’t earn my tears. He didn’t deserve them. But really, I was terrified that once I let my tears fall, it was really over. Tears meant I was accepting there was no future left. I was only on step two. The tears were still mine.
Liam
One day I was going to figure out why she wouldn’t cry. There was no pushing the matter, though. She clearly had her reasons. It felt cruel, what I was doing to her. It was cruel, but I had forced myself to do the same thing last year after… well… I had done the same thing and I knew it would help.
I looked at the books. Italy was too obvious. I’m sure they had planned that a hundred times. Fiji was too exotic. I kept it simple.
My hand grabbed a book about New York, and she looked at me, surprised. It didn’t matter. Even if we really were destined to just be friends, she needed this, and this was something I could give her. She started to shake her head but I ignored her and guided her to a chair in the corner. Pulling her in my lap so she couldn’t run away, I opened the book.
“I can’t, Liam.”
I held her tighter, knowing full well this was hurting her. It made me sick to think I was causing her pain, but it really was going to help. She may not realize it now, but it was true.
“Isabella, I know it hurts. Believe me, I hate doing this. But I promise you it will help. It may not seem like it, and you may hate me for a little while, but it’s the cost I’m prepared to pay for a chance to heal your heart. A chance to see what could be. You took Bella back and gave it to me. Now, just take one dream back and give it to me. Please.”
My voice was cracking. It was a lot to ask; I didn’t know what I would do if she just walked out on me. I wasn’t ready to lose the only thing holding me together. But Isabella was strong, and I knew she wanted her heart back. She could do this. I felt her tremble in my arms, but a few moments later, she sighed.
“We’d have to do all the ridiculous tourist things. The Statue of Liberty. The Empire State Building.”
“Ooh, Times Square.”
She shifted a little and took the book from my hands. Flipping through it, she bit her lower lip.
“Maybe a Broadway show. I’ve never been to the theater before.”
Smiling, I nodded.
“Yes. Can we do the Museum of Art? Are you a museum person?”
She rolled her eyes at me.
“It’s our trip. It doesn’t only have to be what I want to do. But yes, the museum. I’d like that.”
We continued to flip pages and stopped at Little Italy. I laughed.
“What do you think?”
“I think Papa would kill me if I didn’t go there.”
