I didn’t like the idea that my presence didn’t affect her the way hers did me, but I told myself that it’d be better if this attraction was one-sided. Keeping my distance then would be about respecting her. My don’t-take-no-for-an-answer mentality didn’t translate into harassing women who weren’t interested in me.
“Daddy, can I let her in? Please!!”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Aye. And thank you for asking.”
Evanne was smart when it came to strangers out in the world, but when she was here, she rarely thought twice about being cautious. In a way, I was glad because I didn’t want her to see the world that way, but I also knew that she needed to learn that home was safe because we kept it that way.
I put aside those thoughts for another time. The pile of things I was putting off doing or saying was growing, and I had a bad feeling they’d come back to bite me in the ass.
As Evanne raced to the door, I double-checked to make sure everything was on track to be ready in just a few minutes. At dinner, awkward silences could easily be filled by a meal, and I’d pulled out all the stops on this one.
It was my father’s favorite, and out of all of my brothers and sisters, I believed I was the only one who remembered when our mother used to make it. After Da remarried, he made a point of preparing this dinner for us at least every couple months. Bone-in chicken thighs cooked in a pot of apricot jam, onion soup mix, and Russian dressing, served along with some rice, steamed peas and carrots, and a Greek salad with lemon vinaigrette. I added some French bread and pulled out a chardonnay in case she was interested in having a friendly drink with dinner.
“Wow, when you guys have chicken for dinner, youreallyhave chicken for dinner.”
I glanced over as Evanne led Lumen into the kitchen, hanging from her teacher’s hand and hero-worship in her eyes. Lumen smiled, and in the few seconds our eyes met, I wondered if maybe there was something a little more than professional about tonight. Or maybe I was imagining things.
“Nice apron, Mr. McCrae,” she said. Her tone was polite, but the twinkle in her eyes said she was joking.
Even though I was wearing a simple light gray button-down and dressy jeans, I hadn’t wanted to risk staining my clothes, so I’d put on the only apron I had. A pastel pink one with a unicorn on the front and fancy script stating:My mom’s cooking is better than a unicorn. Evanne had given it to me for Christmas two years ago. Keli had gotten a matching one because, according to our daughter, we were both better than unicorns.
“Thank you, Ms. Browne,” I replied, mimicking her professionalism. “It was a gift from a certain little girl.”
Evanne laughed and tugged on Lumen’s hand until her teacher bent down. In a child’s loud whisper, she said, “Daddy says he only wears unicorns for me.”
“I see,” Lumen said, her eyes growing wide. “Then you must be a very special girl indeed.”
There wasn’t a hint of insincerity in Lumen’s words, and I realized that I needed to be extra careful tonight or I’d break more of my ‘just fun’ rules. “I’m just about done in the kitchen.”
“Please, take your time. Is there anything I can help with?”
“No, no. Relax. Can I get you something to drink?”
“Water would be fantastic.”
“Sparkling or still?”
She gave me a look like she’d never been asked that question before in her life. “Sparkling?” she said.
I nodded and went to the fridge, hanging my apron up on its usual hook. After I poured her a glass, she thanked me and gave it a quick, surreptitious examination before taking a sip.
I used the time to take in what she was wearing. When we’d met earlier today, she’d been dressed in the casual sort of attire that one wore out in public when doing mundane things. Now, she wore clothes more similar to mine, a dressy casual that could mean anything. Dark blue jeans that showed off her long legs. A simple deep pink blouse that looked great with her coloring and drew attention to her curves, but not in a flashy way.
Something in my stomach turned over at the thought of another man looking at Lumen’s curves, with or without clothes.
Without clothes.
Fuck.
She was going to have sex with another man. Other men. She’d remember me because I’d been her first, but there would be others. Who knew how many? I could probably figure out the number of sexual partners I’d had since I wasn’t the type to wake up next to a stranger and wonder what I’d done the night before.
Shit. She could do that. Go to a bar and find some Neanderthal who’d fuck and forget and wouldn’t understand how lucky–
“I’ll give you the tour!” Evanne shouted, breaking into my thoughts.
Lumen sent me a nervous glance. “Thank you, but I’d rather not intrude.”
“Go ahead,” I said, grateful for the chance to collect myself after the unexpected path my thoughts had taken me. “It’ll give me a minute to get everything set.” I barely registered the possibility that Evanne would show Lumen my bedroom.
