I close my eyes briefly, sucking in an uneven breath.
When I open them again, I roll my shoulders and lift my chin.
You’ve got this!
A tightness spreads through my chest as I unfold the sheet and begin to focus on the words.
Dear Kat,
I close my eyes, blocking out the words, shoving it down onto the bed next to me.
For goodness sake, woman, grow a pair! It’s all in the past. His words can only hurt you if you let them. Isn’t it better to know? To understand?
I open my eyes again, grabbing the paper.
Dear Kat,
I’m sorry.
More sorry than you’ll ever know. I always hoped my part in Lottie’s conception would remain a secret. Not because I don’t love her, I do. But Lottie is not, and never has been mine. Darra and her father saw to that, but I knew, if the truth came out, the pain and suffering it would cause you and your family.
No shit, Sherlock! You duped your best friend into allowing his psycho girlfriend to trap him into marriage, practically hold him hostage while raising your child.
My vision clouds, blood pounding in my ears. I close my eyes and steady my breathing.
It’s only words.
You know this story, and how it ends.
Not long after Darra and Elijah split up, we bumped into one another on a night out. We drank too much, I’m not sure how it happened. I never meant to hurt anyone, and we were both single. Elijah was about to move on with Pen, we all knew it, even if he hadn’t asked her at that point.
Later, when Darra announced she was pregnant, I confronted her. She laughed, thanked me for mygenerous donation. I realised nothing about that night was an accident. I’d been played.
I tried to do the right thing, but her father’s threat towards my family was real. He’s a dangerous and ruthless man who was determined to win, whatever the cost. Destroying my family to get to yours would have meant nothing to him.
Darra was distraught. She pleaded with me to stay quiet. She believed her father would terminate her pregnancy, and despite everything, I genuinely believe she wanted and loved our baby. Whichever way I turned, there was no winner, so I remained silent.
Adrenaline rushes through my body. Although we didn’t officially date until years later, the knowledge of what he’d done should have been enough to make him stay away from our family. I scan ahead.
Despite what you must think. I did love you, and my marriage proposal was genuine.
I’d told Darra we were over, that I wanted to make a future with you. But I’m starting to understand, you can’t force something that isn’t there.
I spent years admiring you from afar, wanting you to notice me, and then you finally did. Although I can see now it was for all the wrong reasons, and this is the hardest thing for me to write.
I knew about you and Jaxson. That you’d started seeing each other in secret. I came back to the house when you and he were there. I overheard you talking about how you were going to keep your relationship a secret until after graduation.
My mind returns to that time. Zach had started behaving differently towards Jax and me. Elijah put it down to final year nerves. Zach had been struggling, and his grades were down.
I was gutted and more than a little jealous. Elijah had told me to stay away from you, had told us both to. And there was Jax, Mr Smooth, with everything I wanted. He’d grown closer to Elijah over the years, and now he had you. It seemed I was always the consolation prize.
Elijah and Jax have always shared the same drive. It’s why they gravitated to one another so strongly, despite their difference in social standing. Firstly, through their competitive nature with swimming, and then their ambition to succeed in their chosen fields. Zach was missing that, happier to party and follow in their shadows.
Somehow, Darra knew about my feelings for you and tried to help me win you. At first, I was grateful. I couldn’t see past my own wants and needs. However, as with everything, Darra’s help came with a price. Having me around, the biological father of her child, was for her benefit, not mine.
This is me coming clean.
Darra set up Jaxson. You may have already realised this, and I’m praying you do. That your animosity towards him stems from something other than what we did. Sasha and Jax were never in a relationship. You overhearing Sasha and Darra’s conversation was a set-up, orchestrated by Darra. They knew you were listening because I told her you were there. I’m sorry.
