Her hand squeezes mine, her eyes full of sympathy I don’t deserve.
She blinks as if realising, and when her eyes return to mine, they’re questioning.
“And Jax?”
“Completely innocent of all crimes accused,” I admit with a sigh.
I drop my gaze to the table, using my free hand to re-straighten my knife.
Pen flips the hand she’s holding over and places it in both of hers.
“Does Jax know?”
I nod.
Pen’s face drops.
“It’s a good thing the truth has come out,” she says eventually.
“It is,” I say, my eyes meeting hers. “I let him read the letter.”
“Wow. How did he take it?”
“You know Jax.” I shrug. “It vindicated him. But I’m not sure I’d want to be Zach the next time he rears his head.”
“How do you feel?”
Ah, the crux of the matter, the real reason my friend is here, checking on me.
“I feel like a fool. I allowed myself to be manipulated for years, by someone I thought cared about me.”
“You don’t think Zach cared?”
“You think he did?” My eyes clash with Pen’s. “You don’t do what he did to someone you care about.”
“No, you’re right. But not everything is black and white.” She lets go of my hand with a sigh. “But for what it’s worth. I think Zach genuinely loved you.”
I flatten my hand against the table, my fingers playing with the material of the tablecloth.
“I don’t think I ever loved him,” I admit. Finally saying the words aloud. I pull my hands into my lap. “I tried to. I really did. But he was never what I wanted, and he knew that.”
Pen looks at me, her eyes full of understanding.
“Is Jax what you want?”
I shake my head.
Pen frowns. “Why not? You said yourself, Zach’s letter vindicated him. There’s clearly still chemistry between you.”
I lean forward, resting my elbows on the table, my hands gripping my shoulders.
“Our time has passed, we’re different people now,” I say. “I broke up with him and moved on with one of his best friends.I’m not sure we can ever get past that, or if I can be what he wants or needs me to be?”
Pen sucks her lip, something she always does when she’s thinking, a throwback from when she wore a lip ring.
“What does Jax want you to be?”
I laugh, but it’s dry and hollow.
