“Thank you, Mam,” one of the chefs says. He’s older and looks to be the one in charge. “Would you like a tour?”
“You’re welcome, and I’d love one, if it’s not too much trouble.”
The staff jump into action, their tense muscles relaxing. Mr Baskin stands hovering like an expectant father, and glows as if he’s the one being praised.
I spend the next thirty minutes learning the intricacies of running an island kitchen, from orders to supplies.
When I finally leave, I’ve made copious notes.
“Thank you,” I say to Mr Baskin as we part ways.
“Can I get you another coffee, Mam?” one of the waiters from the bar asks.
I look over and smile.
“An iced coffee to go would be lovely,” I say.
“Would you like to wait for it outside?”
The waiter points to a seating area under some trees.
“Thank you.”
He nods and steps away.
I get up and make my way over to the seats. Several couples have taken up residence around me. Some old, some young, but all clearly together.
A pressure builds inside my chest as I look around. Everyone looks happy, so relaxed and loved up.
Am I capable of love?
I’m a control freak. Past experiences have meant I’ve built up numerous walls to protect myself.
My coffee arrives.
I get up needing to put space between myself and everyone else.
Jax has been my buffer to all of this, has held my attention. But today he’s not here.
Whose fault is that?
I’m back to being alone.
I take my coffee and walk along the beach towards my isolated villa. I enter through the garden and sit on the same sofa I sat on last night.
I pull up my phone and check my emails.
Several queries from various hotels, some reports on business and planned changes. I read through them, but I find my brain is wandering. All work… my family must have decided to leave me alone.
Yesterday, Jax spoke of intimacy, and it’s like my brain won’t let go.
I’ve isolated myself.
Shut myself off from everyone.
When Zach proposed, I knew it was wrong. I turned him down, and he left. It should have happened years earlier, but after Dad died, I threw myself into FHG, proving that I was capable of taking over from Dad. It was all-consuming. And at the end of each day, Zach was just there, waiting for me when I got home. I was so tired that I’d eat dinner and fall into bed. There were no couple-type discussions about how our days had gone. It was more like living with a sibling than a lover. Even the physical side had died off by the end.
I draw my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on them.
