“That fatherly look of disapproval saying I shouldn’t do that stupid thing I’m thinking about doing, or I’ll get an ass-whoopin’.”
Ironside chuckled.
“Well, you’re not wrong.”
I waited for him to elaborate, raising my eyebrows expectantly. He sighed, stubbing out his cigar in the ashtray.
“I was the one who hired Elaine,” he said. “I don’t know her whole story, but I know enough. And she had a rough go at the beginning. Stretched too thin. No support, and refused to accept any help from us anyway. I saw you two together at the charity ride on Christmas, so you know about the kid.”
“Mikey,” I said. “He’ll make a mean old man like you one day.”
Ironside huffed.
“Very funny. My point is that you can’t string her along. Either you’re in her life for good. Or you’re out. Don’t pussyfoot about it. She’s a good woman. A gentle soul. I don’t want to see her broken by another man like that ever again.”
I nodded. Ironside had a point, calling me out on what I already knew. There was no reason for me to stay in Juniper Creek. If I wasn’t willing to stick around for Elaine, then it was time to go.
Forty minutes later, I packed my bags and cleared out of my motel. After leaving the key at the front desk, I pulled onto the road, heading for the highway, with my trailer rattling behind me.
Overnight, clouds had rolled in, with a biting wind, and the crisp scent of impending snowfall. The mountains were shrouded from view in a gray haze, and the temperatures had dropped well below zero. The harsh winter weather had taken a brief respite for the holiday festivities, and now it returned with a vengeance.
Reaching the outer limits of Juniper Creek, the landscape stretched out before me, with the long, winding road like a black ribbon amid a blanket of white. Endless possibilities awaited me. I could go anywhere I wanted to. Nothing and no one tied me down.
That used to thrill me. I would take a deep breath of relief, knowing that I never had to stay where I wasn’t wanted. I wouldn’t be that trapped, unloved little boy again.
I hit the brakes, skidding to a stop. The car following behind me slammed on their horn and veered around me, speeding by. I ignored them as I kept my gaze locked on the horizon, gripping the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white.
A lump of dread settled in my gut, heavy and cold. All I could think about was Elaine’s larger-than-life belly laugh, so full of joy and love. And Mikey, asleep on her lap, while she gently combed his tousled hair.
For the first time in my life, I didn’t want to leave. I had a reason to stay.
But I had failed so many things and so many people in the past. What if I let Elaine and Mikey down too? I didn’t know a damn thing about being a husband or a father. What if I failed them the way I’d failed everything else?
What if…?
I released my grip on the steering wheel and let my hands slide down into my lap. Tilting my head back against the seat, I closed my eyes.
What if I finally found a place, a home, and a family where I belonged? What if I walked away because I was too chicken shit to give it a shot?
With my heart in my throat, I turned around, speeding back to town as fast as I dared on the slick road. When I reached the clubhouse, I didn’t bother parking within the lines and jumped out of my car, leaving it idling. Pushing open the door, I spotted Elaine right away. She glanced up with a look of surprise.
“What will it take?” I said.
She blinked a few times, confused, then continued stacking dishes on her tray. Her face shuttered, carefully guarded, expressionless.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
Bullshit. She knew exactly what I was talking about.
Only a handful of bikers were scattered around the clubhouse early in the afternoon. But Ironside was there as always. Watching. Silent. He cut a menacing figure in the corner, with his neatly combed white hair, tattooed collar, dressed all in black. He looked like a gargoyle, surveying his domain, ready to crack down on anyone who raised hell.
Having this conversation in front of him wouldn’t make things any easier for me.
Marching across the clubhouse, I took Elaine by the wrist and led her into the kitchen. Another waitress was there, leaning back against the counter as she texted on her phone.
“Out,” I said.
She popped her gum with annoyance and shot me a dirty look. Then she stalked off, slapping her hand against the door to shove it open.
