Lorraine
Dan answeredthe phone with a smile still on his face. “Curtis,” he said, his voice warm. “Everything alright?”
I sipped my coffee and watched him. He leant his elbow on the bench and stared off into the distance as he listened. His brow furrowed. He hummed and nodded and then started pacing.
The warmth that had settled in my chest when I thought of our future together cooled. I glanced down at the table and ran my finger around the rim of my mug. Last night was unexpected, beautiful even. But now the real world was creeping back in. I was stupid to think we could escape it altogether. Stupid to think that this weekend could belong to us.
He turned away from me and leant against the bench. I didn’t exist anymore.
Dan was offering instructions, speaking low and calm like he always did. I’d heard it many a time on the farm over the years. He was absorbed. Focused. Nothing else existed to him exceptthe problem he was trying to solve. He didn’t even notice me as I gathered the breakfast dishes and took them to the sink to wash.
My heart ached. We’d only just discussed last night how I didn’t want to be put second. As the sink filled, I took a deep breath. I was being unreasonable. I knew that. Curtis wouldn’t call unless it was an emergency. He was a capable vet. He was kind and thoughtful. He wouldn’t interrupt unless he had to.
But that realisation didn’t make my heart ache any less. I should have expected this. I should have known it would happen. I finished washing the dishes as Dan spoke, lost in his own world, finding a way to help from hundreds of kilometres away.
Dan ended the call and turned around, smiling again like he hadn’t disappeared at all. I think that made it worse.
“Sorry, that took longer than I thought.”
I nodded and forced a smile. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah. Trouble with an old client’s mare; it needs a C-section.”
I reached for the towel to dry the dishes. “It’s good they know they can count on you.” I couldn’t hide the hurt in my voice.
He paused. “Lorraine?—”
I put the towel down. “I’m going to have a shower.”
When I got there, I turned the shower on hot and stepped in. The water stung my skin, but I didn’t alter the temperature. I was sixty-five years old and was acting bratty because Dan had taken a phone call. A phone call to help someone in his business that he still owned and was responsible for. A phone call to help a friend and a horse in need.
What was wrong with me?
I’d been here before and that’s what bothered me. The happiness and promises disappeared from my marriage, and disappointment and emptiness took their place. I’d gone frombeing important to not even being acknowledged. It wasn’t long before I was left alone altogether to run a farm and raise a child.
I scrubbed my face, hard. My fingers trembled slightly.
I think the problem was that I let myself believe it was real. And maybe it wasn’t.
And that scared the shit out of me.
What if I gave everything to him and it ended the same way?
I sighed.
I couldn’t hide in here forever.
I was a grown arse woman.
I needed to go out there and explain my reaction and tell him how I felt.
Because it was my truth.
CHAPTER 9
Dan
I stoodand stared at the bathroom door until I heard the water turn off, then turned back to the fire. Lorraine’s discarded clothes still lay by the hearth. I poked at the logs. They didn’t need moving, but I needed something to do.
