The girl that broke me in half, and her brother too, when she took off and left us behind with barely a word.
I still don’t know exactly what happened. But Karter seemed to know something more about it and he said it was for the best. Even though it just about broke him.
She was all the family he had left.
It made me furious over the years when she refused to come home to see him. He gave up a lot to take care of her for those last couple of years. He could have left and found a family of his own. Brought them back to the farm and lived a good, well-rounded life until that damn day a few months ago.
But no! He stayed on, took care of everything and slowly lost himself in the day to day drudge of Christmas Country.
Sometimes I caught him looking off into the distance and I know that he was wishing she would come home. She would just show up and surprise him. Part of him was always with her, I think.
And maybe that’s another reason he couldn’t focus on finding a family of his own to love.
Sometimes I was just so mad at her. Mad that she couldn’t seem to see, even on those video calls, that he was needing her. Like she didn’t care.
But every time I mentioned to him that he should tell her, he’d just smile and say she’d come home to see the farm and him when the time was right.
She couldn’t even make it for the funeral because she was in court that day for her divorce.
It was so quiet, except for the weeping. The whole town turned out to support me, show respect to the man that gave us all our Christmas magic every year and never asked for any of his own.
My buddy was a good guy and everyone knew it. He kept to himself but that doesn’t mean that he wasn’t loved.
Shaking myself out of my memories, I lift the ax and position it at the base of the tree where I’m going to cut. A long stroke and the blade cuts into the trunk and the tree shudders, snow shivering off the limbs like it’s running for its life.
I hear the kids’ chatter behind me but I don’t let it distract me. Even though I know she’s with them. I can feel the heat from her body like a brand on my soul. I know exactly where she’s at. Can feel those gorgeous, shimmering eyes on me, studying me.
“What are you doing?”
“You need a tree for the kids and this one is the best one left on the lot for this year.
I turn back and lean the ax casually against the tree. I shouldn’t have sharp objects in my hands when she’s nearby. I might cut my own arm off.
A chill wind cuts through the edges of my coat but it doesn’t do a damn thing to the heat that courses through me when I finally meet her eyes.
“You don’t have to do that. I’m sure you need to be finding your own way home.”
Home doesn’t exist anymore. Not unless it’s with her. She just doesn’t know it yet.
“What’s the tree for?” The girl dances on her toes like she’s a ballerina even in snow that comes up to her knees. She’s a little like a controlled burn. Aching to go wild and destroy something.
The boy on the other hand is quiet. He misses his dad. Misses him a lot.
I nod at the six foot blue spruce. “I’m getting you your Christmas tree. Gotta get one up before Santa comes or he might not see your house.”
Both kids snort and I eye them with a raised brow. “Something you gotta say?”
“There’s no such thing as Santa,” the boy says, huffing out a smoky breath in the chilled air. “We’re too old to believe in that stuff.”
Both of my brows lift and I drop my mouth open. “Surely y’all still believe in the big guy? I mean, Christmas is special. Father Christmas comes for all good little boys and girls.”
“Maybe we haven’t been good enough for that this year,” the boy mutters, his foot kicking at the snow, sparkling flakes dancing in the air around his foot.
I drop to my knees and study them both. “If you believe in magic, it will always find you. No matter if you should believe it or not. None of that matters.” I nod my head towards a strangely silent Kins. “Do you believe in your mom?”
Both little heads nod although it’s not as strong as it should be.
“Well, you should. Your mom’s a magical person. She’s the reason that Santa will find you. Because she believes in the magic of the here and now. The magic of this season. How can you doubt her?”
