“You’ll protect me,” I cut him off. “I know you will. He won’t touch me, not when I have you.”
Dorian swears under his breath. “Of course I’ll protect youphysically, but what will seeing Clyde do to your emotions, Mira? I don’t want you to dissociate so far that you disappear. I couldn’t handle that.” He growls. “Why would you do that? Why put yourself in such a shitty position? You’re smarter than that, there has to be another way—”
“There isn’t,” I interrupt again. “I know Clyde, Dorian. I lived with him for years. Once he has something in his head, there’s literally no dissuading him. As for why I did it…” I trail off, biting my lip. “I heard what you said to Sergei. You were willing to defy an order for me. You were willing to dissolve your working relationship with him for me, which I’m sure would’ve been a dangerous move. If you’ll jeopardize your future for me, there’s no reason I won’t agree to show up to a meeting for you.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Ican’t verbalize how much Mira’s words mean to me, what her sacrifice means to me. As she relaxes against me, hooking her arms around my neck and pressing her forehead against mine, a confidence I haven’t yet experienced fills me. One that promises everything will be okay, because I have Mira—trulyhave her. She’s no longer just my reluctant guest, she’s something more.
She’s willing to stick out her neck for me and trusts that I’ll protect her. She cares for me, pretty damn deeply if she’s willing to go to a place that holds a lifetime of bad memories for her. I press a kiss to her nose, her cheeks, her chin, trying to find a way to showcase my gratitude, my own affection for her. Mylovefor her. The words to tell her how I feel are on the tip of my tongue, but I hold them back. Mira’s always been flighty, and I don’t want to scare her into trying to flee.
I’ll wait until I’m certain she loves me, too, andthenI’ll tell her. Then, I’ll put a ring on her finger and a baby in her belly. She’ll never be able to run after that.
Christ, sometimes my thoughts around this woman are enough to take me aback. I’m not someone who grows obsessive over people—I’ve never found someone interesting enough to obsess over, until Mira. I’m willing to do just about anything to keep her.
“Thank you, baby,” I murmur, kissing her neck. I find her pulse and suck on it, needing to leave my mark on her. “I’ll keep you safe, I promise.”
“I know you will,” she says. Her confidence is enough to undo me. If I didn’t know for a fact that she’s sore, I’d showcase my gratitude physically. As is, I want to spoil the fuck out of her, starting with taking care of her needs.
“Let’s get something to eat,” I tell her. “I can make French toast and bacon—”
“I’ll cook,” she disagrees. “Then I have to get to school. Where are Connor and Seamus?”
“Home,” I reply. “I’ll talk to them while you command the kitchen.” I kiss her neck again. “I have to go out with them tonight. We’ve located the last members of the gang that attacked us, and we’re going to take care of them.”
Her nails dig into the back of my neck and she stiffens on my lap, gazing at me with wide eyes. “Dorian,” she breathes. “That sounds dangerous.”
“No more or less dangerous than the things I’ve done dozens of times.” I kiss her lips, trying to make the gesture reassuring. “I’ll be fine, baby. I promise. I need to get rid of anyone in the area who can pose a threat tous,and more importantly,you. Then we’ll take care of Clyde and Carver, and then everyone who opposes us will be dead.”
“Cut off the head of a snake and three more will grow back,” Mira murmurs. “How can you ever feel safe with what you do? With who you are? How can you ever be sure that you can keep those around you safe?”
I suspect this will be a constant point of contention between me and Mira. She’ll always worry over my involvement in organized crime, she’ll always hate it, and I don’t want to spend my life arguing withher and making her miserable with my refusal to change. I can’t leave altogether, and I don’t intend to stop being active in the dark parts of my legion until after college. Down the road, however, I’ve always planned on stepping into an administrative role, moving away from the blatantly illegal operations I carry out.
“I can feel safe by destroying my enemies so thoroughly that none can stand against me,” I reply. “This won’t be forever, baby. I’m graduating next year, and I plan to go into business. I won’t abandon my legion, but I’m going to back off from the illegal shit that leads to shootouts.” I kiss her lips again. “Bear with me for now. Trust that I’m doing what I need to, and trust me to keep you safe.”
She releases a long sigh, nodding reluctantly. “I’ll never like it, but I can tolerate it. Just, please… be safe. Be careful. I—” She looks away, biting her lip. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“I know you don’t, baby, and I don’t want to leave you.” I pat her ass. “Come on, let’s get breakfast. If we stay here much longer, I’ll end up fucking you again, and you’re already sore.”
I find Connor and Seamus in the basement. They’re kicked back on the couch, playing Call of Duty. Seamus pauses the game when he notices me, which earns him a glare from Connor. Credence peeks her head out of the cardboard box, gives me a cursory hiss for having the gall to exist, and disappears.
“Boys,” I greet, tilting my chin. “How did things go last night?”
“We learned what we needed to know,” Connor says shortly. “You’re coming with us tonight.” His words aren’t a question, they’rean order. Connor’s used to being in charge; being part of a legion where we all hold equal power was challenging for him at first. Now that Mira’s disrupted our flow, he’s regressing to his old ways.
“I am, but not because you proclaimed it,” I say calmly, leaning against the arm of the couch. “I’m coming because I’m in a good enough place with my woman that I’m not afraid to leave her for the night.”
Connor’s eyes darken as he glares at me, but after a moment, he gives a grunt of assent. “She’s settled, then?”
“Yup.” I pause, glancing at Seamus. “We’re moving into an apartment in the next few weeks. Not much will change; I still plan on spending plenty of time here.”
“Abandoning us for pussy,” Connor mutters. “I expected more from you.”
“Enough,” Seamus sighs. “Can’t you see the man’s in love? Loving Mira doesn’t make him love us any less. If you’d stop scaring the living hell out of her, Dorian wouldn’t need to move out to keep her safe. Stick a sock in it, Connor, we’re fed up with your shit.”
“You’re taking his side?” Connor demands, tossing aside his remote and sitting forward.
“No, asshole, because there are no sides—at least none that aren’t of your own making. You think it’s us versus them; it’s not. Mira’s part of this legion now, even if it’s just in essence instead of in name. When I find a girl to settle with,ifthat ever happens, it’ll be the same deal. And if you ever find someone who can tolerate you for longer than a night, I expect it’ll be a similar setup. Ease the fuck up, man. You’re being ridiculous.”
