“It is, but other times, like the past week …” he sighed.
Both Ronin and Ollie shot him a look that said “go on.” And he jumped on his feet and pushed his hands through his hair.
“Things have been pretty cold, silent … Pick a word … the past week, though.” Ryder sank back into the chair and held his head in his hands. “Then today, it was like he couldn’t wait to get away from me.”
“You have to be patient with him,” Ollie said. “He’s been through a lot.”
“I know,” Ryder said. “And I will wait for him as long as he needs me to. But it feels like he doesn’t want to be here anymore. Maybe I should have let him leave when he wanted to.”
“If Jax had wanted to leave, he would have,” Ollie said. “Trust me.”
“How do you know? After what he’s been through … Maybe he feels like he doesn’t have a choice?” Just saying that out loud made him feel like a complete idiot. Had he taken away Jax’s choice when he’d told him to stay? Just like everyone else had? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He was such an idiot.
A hand on his shoulder had him looking up to find Ollie squatting in front of him. “Trust me, if Jax wanted to leave, he would. The doc has been helping us, and if he felt like he needed to, he would tell her, and she would help him. He wants to be here. This is home.”
Ryder nodded, holding on to every word out of Ollie’s mouth. And he knew the omega was right. He’d hired a friend of his, Dr. Alana Greyson, to come and help the omegas. She was a psychotherapist and a shifter, and he’d known from the start they would need counseling. She would have to return to her pack soon, but Ollie was right. Alana would definitely have pulled him aside and given him a talking to if his mate needed it.
“Yeah, I suppose,” Ryder murmured. “I just wish he would see that I’d never hurt him. I know he was abused repeatedly by alphas in the past, and maybe that’s what I represent to him.” Ryder blew out a breath. “I honestly get it, but I want him to understand that I would rather die than hurt him. I’ll happily live in the same house as him forever just the way we are, as long as he stays.”
Saying that out loud, Ryder realized he meant it. If that was all his mate could ever give him, he would take it. And more than that, even though saying it felt like someone had reached inside him and was ripping his guts out. “If leaving is what he needs …”
Ollie patted his shoulder but didn’t say anything. He looked like he didn’t know what to say.
“Just keep showing him that he can trust you. Be there for him. Show him that it’s okay to take things slowly but that you’ll be there if he’s ready to progress things,” Ronin said.
Ryder nodded because he knew Ronin was right. Although maybe it was time that he showed and told too.
“I know all this.” He sighed. “But maybe I needed to hear it from someone else.”
Ollie patted his back before standing and going over to Ronin. Ollie sat down and leaned into his brother, and Ro looked down and smiled, his arms going around Ollie’s waist. They smiled at each other, and he could tell they were communicating telepathically. And again, that flash of jealousy went through him. Goddess, he hated himself for feeling this way, but he couldn’t help it.
Ronin finally turned back to Ryder. “What if tomorrow night you let Ollie and me take care of Tabby? You can plan an evening for just the two of you. You can talk and really listen to one another. Besides, the twins should know their cousin. So what do you say?”
He considered it and finally nodded. “Okay, sounds like a plan.” He’d finally get a chance to talk to Jax and see if they could figure out what was happening between them.
How could you look forward to and dread something in equal measure?
Ryder didn’t want to give Jax a heads-up about the plans he had for him that night, so he laid low. His wolf wasn’t on board, but what did the mutt know? When Ronin rang their doorbell at five o’clock, Ryder answered it. “We’re going to pretend like it’s a spur of the moment thing.”
Ronin nodded. “Sounds good to me.”
Jax came down with Tabby in his arms. He spotted Ronin and Ryder in the foyer. “Hey, Ro, what are you doing here?” he asked, looking between them.
“He came to surprise us,” Ryder said.
Jax tilted his head. “How so?”
“I would like to give you a free night of babysitting,” Ro said. “So, what do you say?”
Jax laughed. “Uh … What’s the catch?”
Ro shrugged. “No catch. Tabby is as close to family as anything. We thought it’d be nice to spend time with her. And she can get to know her cousins.”
He shook his head at that. His brother, always so subtle.
Ryder turned to Jax, and he could read the apprehension on his face. His mate bit his lips and shook his head, arms tightening around Tabby. “I don’t know,” Jax said. “She’s not used to spending time with strangers.” He then quickly explained himself. “I don’t mean that you’re strangers, but Tabby really doesn’t know you.”
Ro moved further into the foyer. He held out his hands, and Jax looked over to Ryder, who nodded. All the while trying not to read into Jax asking him if he was okay with it. Like they were true partners.
