Rowan still felt the words pounding through his head. He couldn’t imagine being a father. He wasn’t ready.
Aren’t you though?
He stepped out of the hotel and turned around to look back up at the large building. He didn’t think Mik was trying to trap him. Okay, so he had for a split second, but something in Rowan knew that he could take Mikhail at his word. It was an accident, but still, just hearing that it was a possibility that he was pregnant, it was just too much.
Rowan didn’t even think of where he was going. He just picked a direction and went on a mooch. Even though he needed to get back home and think about what this meant, a walk might help put things in perspective.
Rowan paused for a second and looked behind him at the hotel one last time before heaving a sigh and walking away.
He ignored the part of him that was disappointed that Mikhail wasn’t chasing behind him.
The truth was that the night with him was one Ro didn’t want to forget. He felt complete like never before when they’d been together, and he knew deep in his soul that no one else would ever compare.
But it didn’t stop the possible pregnancy news from feeling like a bucket of ice water being thrown on him.
Be thankful he told you.He really was because Mikhail could have pretended like he hadn’t noticed that the condom had broken. It was just more proof of Mikhail’s character, which he would have liked to know more about before they were faced with the challenge of being parents… possibly... if he did end up pregnant.
Ro rounded the corner and came up to a primary school. It was almost nine o’clock, and it looked like it was coming to the end of drop-off time. He stopped for a moment and watched as some parents walked their kids in while others watched at the gate as their kids ran towards the playground.
Rowan must have gotten distracted because he was almost knocked over by a little girl running to get inside and then he heard a voice call, “Watch where you’re going, Holly.”
A man came up to him and apologised. “Sorry about that. Her daddy usually does drop-off, but he had an emergency, so we’re a bit late.”
“It’s fine, no harm.” Ro smiled at the flustered dad.
“Pappaaaaaa,” a small voice called. They both turned towards the voice, and there she was with a toothless grin, all blonde pigtails and blue eyes. “My lunchbox.”
The man chuckled and walked over to his daughter who was standing inside the school gates with an impatient look on her face. Rowan watched as the man placed a kiss on her head, handed her the Frozen lunchbox, and then she was off again, running towards the big red doors right as the bell sounded.
Ro stood there and watched as all the kids disappeared inside the building and the parents started walking to their cars.
He imagined himself being the one at drop-off—his kid with Mason and Alfie’s twins, Seb and Callum—and it wasn’t difficult to picture.
It wasn’t like Rowan never considered having kids. He actually wanted kids one day and planned on having as many as he could—granted the original plans had involved adoption or surrogacy. Still, it was too soon. It wasn’t the right time to end up pregnant with a child.
And wasn’t that just the craziest thought to have. Even though he’d known that omegas existed and he’d been the midwife to one trans patient, Rowan had never imagined himself carrying his own child.
The crazy thing was, that wasn’t what scared him. It was the part with Mikhail, the trusting him—Rowan knew who he was in a relationship, he went all in—that was what terrified him.
He started walking back the way he came, especially since he realised that he’d walked quite far in the wrong direction. He made his way back towards the Arndale and the car park where he’d left his car. It was a good thing he’d parked in a car park that you paid on exit and not one where it was pay and display.
Mikhail had you so distracted, you didn’t even think about moving your car last night. Nice one, Ro.He shook his head at himself and prayed he didn’t end up with a ticket.
As he walked through the City Centre that was just now coming alive, he thought about Saturday outings with his family when his parents would take all of them to Primark and give them fifty quid each, and he, Wes, and Axel would get so many clothes with that—although that wouldn’t get you much now. Then they’d all walk to the food court for Greggs, and Ro would get a chicken bake or sausage, bean, and cheese melt, which were still his favourites. The day would end at the AMC cinemas for a movie, and he and Alfie would get the huge Tango ice blast to share while Wes got one to himself as the oldest. It was days like that which made him want to have kids. Even though it was nothing special, it had been well mint spending the day with their dad, and Ro had imagined himself being that kind of dad too.
They were some of the best times he could remember. Ro would happily have a whole slew of children that could say the same thing about spending time with him. But it was supposed to be years from now, not when they were still trying to figure everything out.
When Rowan walked into the Arndale to get to the lifts that led to the car park, he spotted a woman pushing a stroller. She caught Ro looking and smiled. Ro smiled, too, as she passed by, and looked in the stroller to see an infant that was moving their arms and legs around and babbling to themselves.
Ro wondered if this was fate tossing him signs… he wasn’t even sure he believed in ‘fate’’
When he finally got to the car park, he stopped at the payment terminals and got his wallet out with the ticket. When he put it in, it was only twenty quid, thankfully. Ro paid quickly and checked to make sure he was on the right floor for his car, and when he finally arrived, he got his keys out of his coat pocket and was grateful they were still there since he hadn’t checked before dashing out of Mikhail’s room.
He opened his Mini and shut the door once he was in the seat. Rowan put his hands on the steering wheel and rested his head on them. How had his life become so crazy in just a week? He needed to talk to someone, and Rowan needed some brotherly advice.
He fished his phone out of his pocket and went to the contact list. He scrolled between Axel and Alfie. Either one he could get answers from, but Alfie was the newest of the fathers, and he’d also had a rough go in the relationship department. Rowan clicked on Alfie’s name and called him. The phone rang a few times before his brother answered.
“Ya’ll right, our kid?” Alfie asked when he answered the call.
