Nothing has ever felt as good as making love with Jay.
I pull out of him, and let him fall back on the bed. I remove the condom, and after I tie it, I make sure it ends up inside the bin. Then I search for my shirt, and use it to clean Jay, making him shiver with every touch. I lie next to him and pull him into my arms.
“Babe, you make me so happy.”
“So do you.”
He snuggles up to me, and I’m in heaven.
“Are you okay?”
“Never been better.” He kisses my chest, next to my heart, and makes it skip a beat.
I reciprocate by kissing his head and tightening my embrace.
We’re still breathing hard, and our skin vibrates from the pleasure, when he pushes his face against me and gently bites me. “Thank you for buying me clothes,” he murmurs against my skin.
“No need to thank me,” I say, landing a peck on his disheveled and sweaty, wet hair.
“I prefer your clothes, though.”
“Angel, I love seeing you in my clothes. I’ll have to burn yours if you start wearing them more often than mine.”
His laugh is like the fizzy bubbles in a champagne glass, and I close my arms around him more. “I’ll be burning them with you.”
“I love you, Angel.”
“Love you too, babe,” he says, kissing my chest.
I laugh this time against his hair, and then we fall silent, as if the need for words is no longer necessary.
Epilogue
Haden
Nine months later
The house smells like pancakes, with a hint of cinnamon and spices, reminding me of Christmas, a very happy and cozy Christmas. Like the one I hope we have this year.
Everything has changed in our lives but the cardinal points are exactly the same. Love for each other, and love for Arianna. She has become the queen of the house, now that she can walk and talk.
The trust we’ve built wasn’t created with a grand gesture or over one single moment. It was built with everyday moments… those small things that connected all those scattered pieces.
We were broken when we were apart, but now that we’re together we’re complete. We helped each other find those missing pieces and put them back together to make us whole again. We can see those cracks, but they’re a beautiful reminder that we’re survivors.
I love how we found our own language made of glances, touches, and a smile shared across the chaos of a sleepless night.
We’re not perfect, far from it. We still stumble, we still struggle, but something that never leaves us is hope. Hope that we can make it, hope that whatever was taken from us in the past can be given back to us in the future.
I don’t ask for anything, because everything I have now is more than I thought I’d have in my life. I count it as a blessing.
I spent most of my life believing love brought only devastation. I loved my parents, and I was destroyed by them. But not anymore. I don’t spend my days thinking Jay will behave like them, or leave me because I’m not able to be the person he wants. We’ve chosen each other and we work hard to overcome what separates us.
Our kisses still have that underlying desperation that we can’t get rid of. Now, we also share kisses that are full of love, joy, and passion, but are also filled with reassurance and closeness.
I used to hate this time of the year, because I couldn’t share my loneliness. But with Arianna in my life everything has changed. Knowing she’s waiting is a joy I bring with me when I leave. When I’m back home she’s there to fill my arms with love, affection, and whatever sticky food she had a battle with when I wasn’t there. She loves to pull my beard, and every time she does I growl like a bear, and she laughs, a belly laugh that makes the house feel like a home.
Being home means spending time playing with her, and being amazed by her intelligence and quick tongue. She’ll be going places when she’s older, but I’ll be proud no matter what.
