Keeping my head down I jog to the car, making sure not to juggle Jay too much. He whimpers and I pull him closer, whispering in his ear, “You’re fine. You’re safe.” I repeat it over and over again until he snuggles inside my arms, pressing his face against my chest.
I don’t feel the rain soaking my hair, or infiltrating between my skin and my shirt, running down my back and pooling at my waist. My focus is on the man in my arms, and on the feelings storming inside me.
Letting go? Seems impossible right now.
Jeremy is waiting by the car, the umbrella that I always keep in the pocket of the door now open and covering his small frame.
I carefully place Jay on the back seat, then I cover him with a blanket I always keep there for emergencies. Not the kind of emergency I was expecting when I put it there, though.
Even with all the movement he doesn’t stir, not even when I move his hair gently away from his face then lean in to check if he’s still breathing. I relax when he is.
Jeremy stays there, covering us until Jay is comfortable inside the dry car.
“Come with us?”
His eyes go big, as if my request surprises him, but he’s shaking his head even before my voice dies out. “I can’t.” He bites his lips, but doesn’t say more. He pushes the umbrella towards me, but instead I close the door.
“Keep it. It doesn’t look like it’ll stop soon”
He nods, and then glances at the car. He turns his eyes on me, the look in them hard and afraid at the same time.
“I’ll be in touch.” And with that he walks away. I watch him as opens the bar’s door and without a glance back he steps in.
I call him again, his step faltering and back going rigid for a second, and that tells me he heard me. But again, he ignores me.
“I’ll take care of him,” I say before the door closes on his back, and I hope he hears me over the loud sounds coming from inside the bar. A nod, and then he’s out of sight.
Once I’m sure Jay’s comfortable I get in the front seat. I glance at the clock to realise one hour has already passed since I left the bar for that call. I turn the car on, and I glance into the back to make sure Jay’s still there.
On the way home only one question fills my mind.
What am I going to do with him?
CHAPTER 6
Jay
Iopen my eyes just to close them again quickly when the light in the room makes my head pound like a drum in a rock concert.
I expect to hear the sound of the knocks on the door… this week must be payment week. Instead, the building is silent, and for a moment I enjoy the absence of sound. For a moment I pretend I’m safe and my life is not full of choices made by someone else, until fear settles in, crushing my gut in a stronghold that doesn’t allow me to breathe anymore. Maybe I’m wrong about what day it is. My brain is fuzzy and I don’t really recall how I got home… yesterday?
The left side of my face feels awkward, as if I had a close encounter with a wall and lost. I raise my hand to touch it and hiss in pain when agony shoots to my brain as if it was made of millions knives.
What the hell happened? Was it Jeremy? It wouldn’t be the first time he punched me in the face because of one of his nightmares. He never talks about them, and he never stays long if I ask.
I’m the same, so I can’t really blame him. Maybe it’s because I’m ashamed that I was blinded by love, or maybe I want to forget, or maybe it’s because it’ll make this situation even more real than what it is. Or maybe it’s because we want to avoid remembering the past.
I pat the bed, checking for him next to me. Jerr has a habit of jumping into bed with me during the night, especially when it’s this cold. I’m alone but the texture and crispness of the sheets forces me to open my eyes, because I’ve never had anything this soft in my place. I press down and the mattress feels good under my body. I shift a little more to test if it’s just a dream, because this is not my life.
It must be a dream.
As I move my body protests, and again agony has me hissing and freezing me in place. I move my head cautiously, to look around, without making the pain flare again. The room and everything around me is new, and the walls are white instead of black from mould.
Each new clue sparks my need to flee. Nothing good can come from being in an unknown place. If only my brain would help me by providing the answer to the questions bombarding my already overloaded brain. Where am I? And why am I here? And the one that follows… How did I get here?
My brain is like a blank page…
The idea of someone kidnapping me would make me laugh if it weren’t so painful.
