“Yeah,” I reply, but I’m only listening with half of my brain while the other half thinks about the man sitting a few feet across from us, still absorbed in his own little world. I can’t take my eyes away from him.
“Good looking, with manners, and I bet he smells good.”
I force myself to bring my attention back to my friend. “He did smell good, and he’s more than good looking. And you couldn’t have pulled him either.”
“I would have. Look at this arse,” Jeremy says while smacking himself.
I laugh, but I read behind our silly smiles, that we both believe the same truth. We’re not good enough to end up with someone like that guy.
I force myself to stop looking at him, because stupid wishes can create problems, and I have enough of those.
We spend the next ten minutes teasing each other. We challenge each other to come up with the craziest ideas for pulling people. We laugh but there’s a sadness in us that nothing can mute. We ignore it, but it’s in his eyes as I’m sure it’s in mine.
We never talk about work, though, because neither of us wants to remember. We concentrate on the free time we have, and pretend to forget what’s going to happen after.
I avoid looking at the man who makes me want to be someone I’m not, but I wish I was. Until my resistance breaks and I glance in his direction just to find the table empty. A pang of some undefined emotion wiggles its way through my body. I want to shrug it off, but the feeling that I missed something important is strong. So strong my body buzzes with the need to move… to escape. But there is no escaping.
I scan the place, desperate to find him again. He’s walking back to his table.
A glance from Ed, the owner, is like a slap, which brings reality into my life once again. I don’t look back at the table, because dreams are not for me.
Maybe going back to work is what I need, even if it’s the last thing I want to do, because the thought of spending time with that mysterious man is a very bad idea.
Dreaming brings nothing but troubles, and I don’t need those. What I need is to make enough money to leave this place.
One last hopeful thought rises inside my head.
Could someone likehimsaveme?
Before I move, though…
One last look.
CHAPTER 5
Haden
While I pretend to focus on my drink, I don’t miss the moment his friend arrives, and how they connect with a few exchanges. They laugh but there’s a sadness in them that’s impossible to miss.
I envy that closeness they have, as I’ve just lost the only one I was close to.
I look for any sign that there’s more than friendship between them, but I don’t find any. Nothing suggests that they’re lovers.There is a strange energy passing between them, though, as if they share a secret that no one else is privy to.
I train my eyes back on my drink. There’s nothing there for me. It’s not a good time now, and maybe it never was. I’m happy with one night stands, even if it’s been a while since I had one.
I’m not good at caring for people, I don’t know how. I didn’t have good examples in my life, and people don’t stick to me.
I don’t have time to lust after a kid who looks at least twenty years younger than me.
With Arianna coming into my life, I have plenty to learn. The thought spreads another wave of pain inside my body. My life will be taken over by my sister’s little treasure and my job at the tattoo shop. From tomorrow I’ll have to focus on her. I need books on how to raise babies, and maybe a crash course on how to care for them. Maybe find someone who can be there when I’m not.
Fuck, what am I going to do?
Sweat pours out of me at the thought of it just being me and Arianna. Of having to do everything for her—feeding her, changing her, and teaching her about life.
What do I know about life?
Mine has been one mistake after another. With no support group it was easy to cling to the wrong people, just so I wasn’t alone. But loneliness is a beast that rears its head constantly, and I have a list of wrong relationships, people I held onto when I was in need of someone to call mine… but they never were.
