“I don’t want to lose him,” I admitted.“But I don’t want to lose myself either.”
The room stayed quiet, holding my confession without judgment.
Then, uninvited, Mary’s voice slipped into my thoughts.
If you don’t come, it’ll ruin Christmas.
I huffed a breath that was half laugh, half sigh.“She really believes that, you know.”
Pepper tilted his head.
“I think she believes a lot of things,” I said softly.“And maybe… maybe she’s not wrong.”
The idea of walking into Mary’s house tomorrow still made my stomach flutter with nerves.But it didn’t feel like pressure anymore.
It felt like an opening.
Saint had stood on my porch tonight and poured his heart out through a closed door.
I owed him more than silence.
“I’m going,” I said quietly, the decision settling deep and sure.“I’m going to Christmas.”
Pepper barked once, sharp and pleased.
Salt’s nub thumped against the mattress.
I smiled for the first time all night.
“Do you boys want to come with me?”I asked.
Both looked at me expectantly.
“Okay,” I whispered.“Okay.”We were all going to Mary’s tomorrow.
I reached out and turned off the lamp.Pepper resettled on my pillow, and Salt shifted until his weight pressed against me again.
Tomorrow, I would face Saint.
Tomorrow, I would tell him how I felt.
And for the first time in a long while, Christmas didn’t feel like something I had to survive.
It felt like something I might actually get to enjoy.
Chapter Fourteen
Saint
Three minutes to three.
I stood in Mom’s kitchen and stared at the clock on the microwave like it had personally offended me.
The house was warm with the oven running and every burner on the stove occupied by something that smelled like Christmas.Ham.Brown sugar.Pineapple.Something buttery and sweet baking in the oven below.The kind of smells that usually wrapped around me and loosened my shoulders without me even noticing.
Today, they just made me restless.
Mom was at the stove with thick oven mitts on her hands, easing the ham out as if it were a sacred ritual.Steam rolled up and fogged her glasses.She pushed them up on top of her head and leaned back to admire her work.
