Right?
Hermes chased the Kallikantzaroi down the marbled hallway, but slipped. His caduceus went flying as he landed hard on his back in a pool of…he paused to sniff the air…baby oil?
So they had left his room while he slept and used his stash.
Motherfuckers, he growled, sitting up quickly as the small hairy creatures skated away with ease.
He got to his feet and summoned his wings, flying down the corridor. He caught up with the gremlins as they rounded the corner, into the foyer of the palace, when he froze.
It was a mess.
The trees Persephone had worked tirelessly to decorate the day before had been knocked over. The garland was broken, and the beads, ornaments, and lights were scattered across the floor. Jagged pieces of glass made for a treacherous crossing.
Sephy would be devastated. Hermes’s heart deflated.
Then he heard the distinct sound of clattering silverware. Anger renewed, he took off, soaring toward the dining room where he slammed into a strand of garland the Kallikantzaroi had stretched across the door. It stole his breath, as he folded forward and then fell on his ass. Between the momentum and the oil, he found himself sliding across the marble floor, over the broken baubles, until his back hit the wall.
“Ouch!” he hissed, face hot with anger as he rose to his feet.
This time, he teleported, but as soon as he appeared in the kitchen, something wet hit him in the face, blinding him. He swiped at his eyes and found that it was cream and custard.
They’d pied him.
His eyes narrowed on three of the Kallikantzaroi who stood on the kitchen island, laughing.
Hermes snapped, summoning his caduceus again.
The Kallikantzaroi split up, running in different directions, but Hermes managed to hit one, hurling the sharp-teethed creature into the upper cabinets of the kitchen. He whirled toward another as it raced across the counter, sending plates of powdered cookies, cloche-covered cakes, and sweet breads to the floor, smacking the gremlin just as it reached the end of the island. It landed with a thump in the sink.
Something hit the back of his head. He turned, only to be pelted in the face. He stumbled back, catching the offending weapon in his hands, only to discover his favorite holiday treat.
He gasped. “Not the melomakarona!”
Across the kitchen, a group of Kallikantzaroi had gathered on the counter, uncovering dishes of sweet treats to use against him. Another squadron was on the floor, holding gleaming knives, forks, and spoons.
“Where did you all come from?”
A garbled sound hailed from one of the creatures who had decked himself out in armor made from aluminum lids. Hermes didn’t know what he was saying, but he could guess based on the exaggerated intonation and what followed.
“Attack!”
A wave of gremlins rushed him. Hermes widened his stance, preparing for the onslaught. He had fought gods, giants, and monsters—creatures ten times the size of these motherfuckers. He could take these tiny, hairy, sharp-teeth?—
“Ouch!” he howled, as something stabbed him in the ass.
He whirled, moving to rub the spot, only to discover a knife still lodged in his actual butt cheek.
He twisted, staring in shock at the gleaming, black-handled blade. That was until he felt another sharp stab in his ankle.
“Motherfucker!” He roared, kicking and swiping at the Kallikantzaroi as they jabbed their utensils and lobbed cookies and pastries at him.
He tried to fight back, but there were so many, climbing his wings and robe, and they fucking bit.
“Someone…fucking…help…me!” Hermes cried, still struggling with the gremlins. As soon as he spoke the words, he regretted them. He would take the Kallikantzaroi gnawing at his leg for the rest of his life over the version of Hades that walked through the door.
He was angry—no, furious.
Hot.
