Her and her child. My child.
Fury cascaded over me in waves as I stormed out. The bar was too small, too suffocating.
“That’s it,” Jackson shouted. “Walk away again. That’s what you’ve done to Bryce, too, right, now that you know? You’re only proving that she was right to leave you first. You’ve left her heartbroken, alone, somewhere, just like before.”
I had two seconds to process how I had mirrored our timeline from all those years ago before I hit the street and the shift took over me. By the time Jackson burst out of the bar, I was already a wolf, growling down at him. Without hesitation, Jackson shifted, pouncing on me, a challenge I met.
The man in me knew I was angry because Jackson was right, and he was giving the fight Bryce had lost the energy to have with me. But the alpha in me demanded respect and power. I lunged at him, the two of us meeting in midair, only to crash to the floor. My canines bared, and I bit at Jackson, catching him with a swipe of my claws along his flank. He yelped, but his back legs kicked out at me.
I let out a vicious snarl as his jaws snapped close enough to my muzzle that I reared back. I leaped for him again, sending us crashing over and over one another to come to a stop in the middle of the street. Back on my paws in a second, I growled, trying to force Jackson to back down. But he didn’t—he kept swiping for me, claws trying to gouge into me. I fought back and dug my claws into his shoulder flank hard enough that he yelped.
I knew I was angry—but I was angry at myself, and it was all spiraling out towards Jackson. I was a coward. My need to control everything and gain my pack’s respect, and keep my position as their alpha before I was overpowered, had led to this.
Distracted, I didn’t notice Jackson snapping for me. I was on my back, claws digging into me.
I had never realized how deeply abhorrent I had acted. Bryce had needed to hide my own daughter from me, and that had me punctured deeper than any blow Jackson landed. Jackson’s eyes, even in this form, blazed with anger, and I realized just how much he must have harbored for me all these years.
And yet he had been loyal to us both, even if I felt betrayed.
He could have walked away—shouldhave walked away. But he had stayed.
I kicked Jackson off with a snarl and, before he could attack again, I moved away. I was done, defeated. I couldn’t keep doing this, not when my anger wasn’t wholly aimed at him. Jackson just stared across the street at me as everything built up in me.
Turning around, I ran again. Away from Bryce, away from Jackson.
The only man I couldn’t run away from was myself.
I barely made it back to my own house before I shifted, yanking on shorts from the basket I always left by the back door. I walked into the living room, my breath shaky. Control was slipping out of my hands. I should have gone to Bryce, apologized to Jackson, done everything but been a coward once again.
My fist pressed to the wall, but I didn’t let the punch through. Instead, I let the emotions bubble over, and I choked out a pained, distraught noise. It was caught in my throat, as if I had repressed my ability to be so unguarded so far down that I couldn’t even access my own tears. I thumped my head against the wall, pressing my two fists to it. It all crashed down—right there, in the house where my father raised me to be the perfect alpha.
“Well, I goddamndid that!” I shouted, shoving back from the wall. “I was the perfect alpha, and look where it got me.”
I paced restlessly, my body wracking with those unshed tears as I broke and broke. Every frame on the wall contained the memories of my father, my mother, the parents who had never let me just be a normal child or teenager. Who always had to be in control, perfect, and ready to take over as alpha. I had been molded so fiercely that I had never seen what was in front of me.
I loved Bryce. I always had done, and yet I had let the pack tear her to shreds. I had let them push her out until she had stood before me, begging to be accepted, wanting me, loving me, and I had laughed along with them. How could I have done that?
So horrible I had been that she’d left town, that she had needed to protect our own child from me.
She had been so hurt that she had no reason to think I wouldn’t do the same to Cassie.
God, Cassie.
My daughter.
My baby.
My cub.
I had wanted to hunt down the man who had abandoned Bryce and her daughter, only to realize the only man I needed to fight was myself.
“Why?” I asked myself through gritted teeth, laughing sadly, bitterly. “Why did I do that to her?”
I knew exactly why, and I despised myself all the more for it. I needed—no,wanted—to be the alpha everyone also wanted. I had wanted utter domination and control over everyone. With the pack that came with disrespecting Bryce, but she had been the one I should have always respected and loved. Cherished. Taken care of and protected above all else.
More shame spread through my gut, grounding me so hard I collapsed onto my bed, staring at the wall. For a long time, I just stared at the ceiling, the weight of my failures sinking in.
I had failed Bryce, and I had failed my daughter.
