Prologue - Rachel
I bit my lip as I paced back and forth, my heart pounding a mile a minute as my more reasonable side tried to talk myself out of what I was about to do. This was reckless, stupid. I should turn around right now and pretend I had never even considered it. Except I couldn’t. For once in my life, I wanted to take a risk.
Still, waiting for him seemed impossible; each moment when he didn’t show sending new jolts of uncertainty and doubt radiating through me, making me want to run and pretend I had never considered doing this in the first place. There were so many ways this could go wrong. I should leave. I shouldn’t even be thinking of doing this in the first place.
What if he said no? What if he said yes? Why was I doing this in the first place?
Just as I had convinced myself to leave and never do this ever again, he appeared. Tall and lean, with shaggy blond hair, his face sharp, and his eyes a deep brown. He carried himself with a swagger that should have made him seem arrogant. Instead, it simply made him seem likeable, approachable.
Sam Casey. My brother’s best friend, and my secret crush since forever. My heart could barely stay inside my chest as it thundered. I stuffed my hands in my pockets to make them stop trembling. If I were going to do this, then I needed to bite the bullet. That, or I needed to run away.
I searched inside, sensing my wolf. I may not be able to shift, but I could still sense her, could still pull from her strength and feel that connection. I could feel her soothing presence, giving me comfort and confidence, calming my anxieties that I knew she was sensing. She didn’t have the same nerves. Maybe that meant she knew something I didn’t.
He was close now, finishing up a run I knew he took nearly every day. I made up my mind. There was no turning back. If I didn’t do it now, I never would, and I would regret it for the rest of my life.
“Rachel?” Sam frowned as I came toward him. He raised his eyebrow as he slowed out of his jog. “If you’re looking for Elias, I think he’s off on patrol.”
I’m well aware, I thought, my heart thundering inside my chest. There was no way he could miss the sound, reverberating like a drumline, but he didn’t react to it.
“That’s okay,” I said. My fingers twitched at my side. I stuffed them in my jean pocket. “I was actually hoping to talk to you.”
He raised his eyebrows as he glanced at me, then looked around at the deserted park, the misty fog still drifting along the ground.
“What’s up?” he asked.
The words stuck in my throat as panic gripped me. My entire body tensed as I tried to talk myself out of this one final time. I could leave and pretend this never happened.
“I’m in love with you,” I blurted out.
Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn’t that. He froze, eyes wide.
“What?” he asked.
I forced myself not to wince. It wasn’t the reaction I had been hoping for, but I pressed on. I needed to get this off my chest.
“I’ve been sensing for months that I think there might be something more between us, something deeper,” I babbled,praying that I made at least a little sense. “I think you’re my mate. I haven’t said anything because I wasn’t sure, but I just…I can’t keep it inside any longer.”
The words trailed off as I lost my voice, taking in the bewildered shock on his face. The tiny bit of confidence I had scrounged up disappeared.
He didn’t say anything for a long moment. I tried to keep the anxiety off my face, only I had no idea how well I was doing. I could have sworn he saw my hands trembling in my pockets. If he did, he at least had the courtesy not to say anything. I waited, the wind whistling through the park, the only sound between us.
He let out a low breath as he ran his hands through his hair.
“Rachel, I’m flattered, really,” he began. “But I don’t feel the same way.”
The world came crashing down around me, everything shattering into a million pieces as his words tore my insides to ribbons.
“Oh,” I muttered.
“Even if I did, nothing could come of it,” he said.
“Why not?” I asked.
He gave a half-laugh, rubbing his face as he glanced away.
“I’m going to be the pack beta in a few years,” he said, though the words sounded garbled and distorted as my world crashed around me, as if he were speaking underwater. “I’m going to be expected to pick a strong mate whenever that happens. You’re a great kid, but…I mean, it’s no secret that you aren’t exactly considered strong.”
I tried to swallow the lump swelling in my throat as I fought back tears. I wasn’t going to try. I had known this was an option. That didn’t stop me from feeling like I was being torn to ribbons.
