"Fake personality, she's just playing a character"
It shouldn't hurt.
I know logically that internet comments from strangers don't actually matter. That haters are inevitable when you have any level of success. That I should just ignore it and focus on the positive. But it does hurt. It hurts so much. Because part of me—that damaged part that Kael and his pack broke—still believes them. Still thinks maybe I don't actually deserve this. Maybe they're right and I'm just a fraud who got lucky.
I am just playing a character…none of this is real, or am I fooling myself into thinking I deserve happiness?
"I have to go!" I say brightly, keeping my smile firmly in place. "Duty calls in the heart of Oakridge, and I need to find the next adventure for you guys to embark on! Only five days until Christmas now! So exciting!"
I end the live stream quickly before my fake smile can crack.
My face falls immediately. The smile drops. My shoulders slump.
"Hey." Grayson's voice is soft, concerned. "You okay?"
I nod automatically, not trusting my voice yet.
Nash studies my face carefully, his blue eyes seeing right through my attempt at composure.
"Let's get to the car. We can talk there. More private."
I follow them through the thinning crowd, accepting congratulations from other contestants with automatic smilesand thank-yous that feel hollow. The cold air bites at my exposed skin. The walk to Nash's truck feels longer than it should.
Once we're all inside the truck's cab—me sitting between Theo and Grayson in the back seat while Nash takes the driver's seat—the warmth from the heater starts defrosting my frozen fingers and toes.
But it doesn't touch the cold feeling settling in my chest like ice.
The truck smells like them.Like safety. Motor oil and leather from Nash. Gunpowder and pine from Theo. Maple and honey from Grayson. And my own vanilla-caramel weaving through all of it.
"What's wrong, Sugarplum?" Nash asks gently, turning in his seat to look at me properly with concerned blue eyes. "Talk to us. What happened at the end there?"
I take a shaky breath, my hands twisting in my lap.
"The negativity is kind of getting to me," I admit quietly, hating how small my voice sounds. "I know I shouldn't let it. I know it's just internet comments from strangers who don't actually know me. But it's been building and building, and today it just... it got to me. Got under my skin."
The three of them exchange a loaded look—that silent communication they do that makes me feel like they're having an entire conversation without words.
"Why don't you take a break from social media?" Theo suggests carefully, his voice calm and logical. "Step back for a week or two. Let things cool down. Give yourself space to breathe."
"I know I should," I say, rubbing my face tiredly. "I've honestly been feeling off for the past week. Out of sorts. Anxious all the time. I don't like getting stuck in my head like this, but I can't seem to stop overthinking everything. Every comment. Every view count. Every fluctuation in engagement."
And I've been having nightmares again.
About Kael. About being trapped. About them deciding I'm not worth keeping. But I don't want to tell them that.
Don't want to seem weak or broken.
"And the emails are getting completely out of hand," I add, almost as an afterthought, not really thinking about the implications.
All three of them frown simultaneously, their bodies going tense.
"Emails?" Nash asks sharply, his tone shifting to something harder. "What emails? What are you talking about?"
I realize I've said too much. Opened a door I meant to keep closed.
"I—"
I'm about to try to explain when my phone rings suddenly, cutting me off mid-thought. Charlotte's name flashes on the screen. I answer quickly, grateful for the interruption even though something about the timing feels wrong.
