He’s still on his knees, and Minnie finds herself shaken seeing this strong, powerful man on the ground in front of her. He bows his head and holds both her hands in his, engulfing them. “I can’t change what I did, even if I regret it, Minnie. I can’t erase the past, even if I wish I fuckin’ could. I can only hope that someday, you look at me and see who I want to be for you. The mask is me, but I’m no longer the original man who wore thatmask. I’m someone new, Minnie.” He kisses her hands tenderly and then stands up to his full height, towering over her.
Her heart pounds, meeting his striking hazel eyes. Her eyes drift to the skull tattoo on his neck, taking in the ominous midnight ink. She finds herself saying the impossible. “Do you still have it?”
Confusion shifts his features. “Do I still have what?”
Her mouth goes dry, and for a moment, Minnie isn’t sure she can get the words out. Then, she says, “The mask. Do you still have the mask?”
Her hands drop from his grasp as his fingers seemingly go limp.
With a clenched jaw, Gage replies in a tone colored in rust, “I still have it. But-”
“I want you to bring it over,” she says so quietly she’s not even sure she’s speaking. She must be speaking, though, because his eyes widen and the muscles in his face twitch visibly.
He runs a grease-stained hand over his face, as if pained. It leaves a hint of a mark on his forehead. “What is that going to help, Minnie? I don’t want to scare you any worse than I already have.”
“I want to see you in it. I want you to erase the memory I have of you wearing it with a different one.” She swallows thickly, knowing her idea is the making of an insane woman. “I want to see thenewman wearing theoldmask.”
I want the pain of those old memories to go away. But since that will never happen, maybe this is the next best thing. I want to make the memory of the mask into something different. Something I don’t have to fear anymore.
“I,uh, don’t think that’s a good idea,” Gage says wearily, suddenly looking older.
Smiling grimly, Minnie finds herself chuckling without mirth. “Oh, it’s not a good idea. But it’s what I want. I think it’s the only way for me to move past this.”
He leans down to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. She does flinch this time, but only because she’s realized what the oil smell reminds her of.Gun oil. “I’ll do whatever you want,” he tells her. “When do you want me to do this?”
If she gives herself any more time to back out of it, she might never move forward. Minnie answers quickly. “Tomorrow night.”Before I lose my nerve and become Minnie Mouse again.
Chapter 15
It doesn’t take long for Minnie to see through her own lies to realize she’s not ready for this diabolical mess she’s plotted. Her nerves are alight with electricity,crackling.
She’s gone and set the stage, planned it down to the tee. The lights are all turned low in her townhome, just to set the mood. Her favorite honey lavender candles are burning, causing the shadows dance in various corners of her home. She’s already checked the locks on her windows and watered her plants, whispering to them about her possible insanity. If her plants could reply, they would probably agree with her apt assessment.
If Ariel even had an inkling of what Minnie planned, she’d probably have Minnie checked into the loony bin. Which, all things considered, is precisely why Minnie has kept this to herself. If this is what it takes to band-aid her trauma, that’s no one’s business but her own. And, possibly Gage.
Mind your business, folks. I’ve finally gone crazy.This plan could go horribly wrong; there’s no telling how her psyche will react to the Mask. It might be a dull edge to see it, but it also might be a complete horror to behold again.
She knows there will be no moving forward with the relationship if she cannot get past this night. If she cannot see him without that inkling of fear gnawing away at her, there’s no point in even trying to make them work. The trust will never be able to blossom again if the core is rotted.
If she cannot bear to touch him, there is no path through the dark night.
…but if she still feels want. If she still feels affection? There is hope for them to heal, to move beyond the truth he hid outof shame. Minnie believed him when he said he didn’t hide the truth out of malicious means.
Her skin feels hot, face flushed as she waits for him to arrive. Her front door isn’t locked; she told him to walk right in. That fact alone has her very essence on the precipice of flight mode.
She paces, talking through how she plans for it to go, but realizes there are no guarantees, not even from herself.
{“Are you sure?” He’d asked her when she told him about the unlocked door. He knows her discomfort with such things. Clearly out of her mind, Minnie had responded, “Yes.”}
She isn’t sure about any of this, but Minnie isn’t going to let herself be a cowardly mouse for the rest of her life. She’s more than her past. She’s more than her fears.
With bated breath, she watches the clock, watches the minutes pass her by. All that matters is when he arrives. It’s all she can focus on. Him. The mask. The Past and Now.
The man who held her life in his hands. The one who heldthe gun.
The man who fell back into her life over a decade later and found himself struck by his feelings for her.
The very man who didn’t tell her the truth, because he fearedlosing her.
