‘After what you have been through, you should be fucking every hot guy between here and Delhi,’ she says, winking. ‘But tell me something, between Daksh finding Gaurav for you and me getting rid of Vicky, what would you rate higher?’
‘If you murder someone, I have to come and help you chop the body up.’
Vanita laughs. ‘But did you hear Gaurav call me Vanita? It’s the weirdest thing, him being in love with me.’
‘It’s the weirdest thing him being in love with anyone. I thought he wasn’t into . . . people.’
Vanita chuckles. ‘But speaking of sex . . .’
‘We are not speaking of sex.’
‘You’ve got to thank him somehow. And after what he has gone through, I mean, the least he deserves is sex with someone he has literally worshipped for four years!’
‘Are we going to be those people who talk about nothing but boys?’
‘First of all, Daksh is not a boy and—’
‘And second of all,’ I interrupt. ‘You know when Vicky hit you with that plate, I just . . . just . . . had this epiphany, a realization. It just struck deep in my heart.’
‘By the way, he could never have hurt me unless I allowed it,’ says Vanita. ‘We needed that for the video.’
‘That doesn’t matter. I just saw what was at stake. I . . . I . . . couldn’t believe that I could get myself in a situation like that, that I could accept living like that. You getting hurt, me living my entire life with no freedom and just . . . hate. I just knew that was the end of it.’
‘End of what?’
‘I’m never, ever giving up my freedom again,’ I declare.
‘What does that even mean?’
‘Boys or men or whatever, I’m done with it. I can’t do this any more. Never again, I swear to god. There’s no chance!’
‘Everyone says that at the end of a bad relationship. It will pass.’
‘It wasn’t a bad relationship. It felt as if I had left my life to be someone else. So many years just lost, Vanita. Can you imagine all that I could have done had he not controlled all that I did?’
‘I kept telling you this,’ says Vanita. ‘You were stuck.’
‘And this is the end of it. Decided, 100 per cent. I want to control every aspect of my life. I’m never making this mistake again.’
‘But if you keep painting the world in the same shade of someone toxic, you will never connect with anyone.’
‘You can say whatever, but this is, what I feel right now, I can’t even describe it to you. It feels like someone had stepped on my chest, and finally, I have gotten rid of that foot.’
‘That foot was gangrene, you have cut it off. Not everyone—’
‘I can finally take a deep breath. It’s been, like what, four years that I have been walking on eggshells, constantly thinking about what’s going on in Vicky’s mind. What will Vicky think if I do this? Will he get angry? Is his mood off? Why is he talking like this? I just obsessed over every mood of his and . . . and I tired myself out. I kept trying to control what I couldn’t control. How could I control Vicky’s emotions when he couldn’t do it? I gave myself so much anxiety just obsessing and being scared over his future reactions. It was horrible. Even now I’m thinking, I’m in this auto, I should tell him so that he doesn’t create a scene later. I have aged just doing all this for years. There’s no way I can do this again. I can’t spend any more time being angry or anxious about someone. I don’t have the capacity to do this. I just want to be me for a while.’
Vanita hugs me. ‘I feel you,’ she says as she separates. ‘. . . but all I’m saying is I saw Daksh’s face light up like a Christmas tree when we told him you have broken up with Vicky.’
‘Did you see how angry he got when we told him about what happened?’
‘Scary. He could have popped a blood vessel in his eye,’ says Vanita. ‘You shouldn’t encourage him if you have planned to you know . . . not consider any guys.’
We reach Gaurav’s place.
‘This is where I live, Didi,’ he says nervously as he opens the door.
He fidgets with his spectacles, waiting for me to react. An hour ago, Daksh came to me with Gaurav in tow and insisted we see how Gaurav is living and what he’s trying to build. I always thought I would scream at Gaurav when I saw him. But the moment I did, my heart melted. I forgave him for everything, but how could I have shown it to him? I didn’t want him to destroy his life playing games. And so, I maintained my anger.
