Vicky hated everyone in those first few months of college. Including me, especially me. While I went to SRCC, he went to Ramjas. Despite how much he tried to hide his displeasure, it always bubbled to the surface. He would take out his anger on me, call me a parasite. He would tell me he was the only reason I was sitting in SRCC. He would scream, grip me harshly and then fall to my feet, cry and apologize.
‘You can’t keep taking his bullshit,’ Vanita would tell me in those days.
‘Without him, I would be sitting at Saraswati College,’ I would answer.
After the first couple of months, he forgave me for taking his place at SRCC. We cried and had sex for the first time. Our first time was horrid, but we slowly taught ourselves and it got better. Then we had sex a lot. He would send me horny texts throughout the day, and I would respond with hornier texts. It was as if our intimacy temporarily erased all our problems. But that’s all that it was:temporary.
And things became better till they got worse.
Our lives, once entangled, started disentangling. Our worlds, once the same, were now different. Ramjas College and Shri Ram College of Commerce are just four minutes away from each other. Yet it seemed as if we were in different universes. I wanted to dance in the college choreography group. He wanted me to join his group of guys on a drive to Murthal for paranthas. I wanted to earn money from economics tuitions for CAT. He wanted to shift his focus to the UPSC exams like his new best friend, Sanjog. We were fighting every day—shouting, screaming. He would call Vanita a slut. I would call his friends hooligans and Sanjog a pervert. He would call my college snooty. I would call Ramjas a college for losers. He would shout at me for wearing clothes he didn’t like, and I would scream at him for drinking with his friends. He would call Papa a failed man. I would call his mother achudail(witch). He would accuse me of being a wannabe. He would fight, call me names, but then spend the night outside my apartment building to apologize. He would delete the numbers of any guy in my calling list. And every call waiting meant a three-hour argument. I would call himganwar(uncouth),he would say he wanted to break up, I would say I wanted to break up too.
Some relationships end. One big incident and everything’s ashes. Some relationships decay. You can’t tell anything’s changing. But it starts to smell, rot and corrode from the inside. Our decay was slow.
His friends thought he deserved better, my friends thought I deserved better.
We told each other, you have changed. You’re not the old Vicky. You’re not the old Aanchal. We said these words so many times, we forgot who the old Vicky and Aanchal were. I didn’t remember a Vicky who wasn’t angry, who wasn’t just a moment away from slapping me. He couldn’t recall an Aanchal who didn’t snap and lie at the drop of the hat. We couldn’t understand each other, or see each other’s point of view.
Before I went to SRCC, we had the same dream.
We were in the same team.
And now things are unravelling.
‘It’s like that cave,’ Vanita told me. ‘Socrates’ Cave! So see, imagine you’re in a safe cave. So Vicky and you were in a safe cave when you were in school. That’s all you know exists. Both of you know nothing about the outside world. But then one day, you leave the cave and go outside into the forest.’
‘The forest is SRCC?’
‘Yes, also Delhi University, the college experience, being the best here on campus, etc.,’ she said. ‘So there are great things to see, experiences to be had, sights to admire, rivers to swim in, but also dangerous animals that can rip you to shreds. What do you do? Stay safe in the cave? Or take a risk and experiences everything? Stay in the cave with Vicky? Or just be outside . . .’
I wish I had stayed in that cave. I wish I had never ventured out. I wish I had never met Rajat. I wish I had never let Rajat touch me.
* * *
I call Vanita as soon as I reach the conveyor belt.
‘WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?’ Vanita screams.
‘I’M SO CLOSE TO YOU!’ I shriek.
Happiness courses through me like waves crashing on a shore.
‘Listen, I’m going to class right now. I will see you in a couple of days. Got a couple of exams to wrap up,’ she says. ‘And then we will go find your asshole brother.’
‘I’m so excited!’
‘See you, baby.’
We disconnect the call. A year ago, Vanita joined Symbiosis, Pune, even though I had asked her to work for a couple of years, take the CAT again and try for the IIMs.Stupid choice.
A car’s waiting for me outside the airport, which takes me to the hotel where the conference is taking place. The Marriott at Bandra-Kurla Complex is packed with people like me—young guys and girls on behalf of their companies. I close my eyes and say a small prayer of gratitude for being here. God’s fickle-minded, better to be safe than sorry. I click pictures of my room and send them to Papa, Maa and Vicky’s mother.
Vicky’s mother calls me.
‘Beta, very nice room,’ she says sweetly. ‘Flighttheek thi?’
‘Yes, Mummy,’ I answer. Calling her Mummy feels like running my tongue over a grater.
‘But remember, beta, you’re there for work. So go for the conference and then back to the room. Okay? And keep calling Vicky.’
