At the pool, I take off my nightsuit’s pyjamas that I wore over my swimsuit confidently. I had imagined everyone would look at me and I’d feel ashamed, but everyone’s in their own little worlds, having fun. The water’s inviting. I feel it with my toes and then slowly dip my leg in. I feel lighter.
I feelhappy. I keep going through Vicky’s texts in my mind. And every time my heart does a little somersault.
I wade towards the other side of the pool. And like everyone else, I ask for a drink. The bartender pours me Pepsi in a tall glass filled with ice. I feel likethem, like everyone else in the pool. I settle in one corner of the pool, with my phone on a towel near the edge. I can’t wait to send Vicky more pictures. I like the possibilities of where this can go.
If I had known that this was what Vicky needed, I would have done it yesterday!
My reverie is broken when I see a guy slicing through the water at a considerable pace. He reaches the far end of the pool, does a flip and swims towards me. His arms move with grace and strength. His face lifts from the surface of the water. He wades next to me.
Daksh.
I always took him to be athletic but lightly built. But when he emerges, I see that he is athletic, his chest muscles are strictly separated. The veins of his arms crisscross and his biceps look strained. When he shakes off the water from his face, it drips down his chest, forcing me to look away.
‘That kind of girl.’
His nakedness makes me conscious of my nakedness. He’s too close even though he’s not. When his eyes linger on my bare shoulder, I feel as if the water has suddenly gone cold. I don’t want to feel this, but I do. I’m conscious of my eyes settling on various parts of his body. I want to look away, look at his eyes or something, but I can’t. It roves on his body like I’m a roadsidemawali.
‘Did Vicky pick up?’ he asks and then catches my gaze. He pauses and then says, ‘From your face, it looks like he did. Didn’t he?’
I nod.
‘Did you send him a picture of you in your swimsuit?’ he asks, looking at me. His eyes wander over my body and then come right back to mine. In that short while, I feel a strange excitement in my belly.
‘How . . . how did you know?’
‘. . . guessed. But good move. I don’t think he’s going anywhere now. I wouldn’t if I were him.’
What does he mean by that? Why would he say something like this? I want to be angry at his objectification of me, but I . . . like it. I want to change the subject. His looking at me is discomfiting in the nicest way possible and I don’t want to feel that, so I ask him, ‘Sameeksha?’
He laughs. ‘That’s history, ancient history. Like she never existed.’
But it’s a sad laugh from him, not one of those I have seen him do when he’s with Rabbani. It’s been only five days and I feel like I know the crinkles of his nose, his little tics, how his face is when he’s happy as opposed to when he’s just pretending.
‘You deserve someone better,’ I tell him.
‘That’s just something people say. I don’t believe deserving someone better is a problem. What she said is true. The more I think about it, the truer it seems.’
‘Then you will get someone who will like you the way you are.’
‘For that, I will have to figure out who exactly I am. Look at you, or Vicky, or even Sameeksha. You guys have it all figured out. And I’m not like, filthy rich. Baba is just an engineer, it’s been seven years he has been there. We have savings and all, but it’s not like I can throw my life away.’
It’s the first time I’ve seen him agitated.
‘You’re not—’
‘I know I’m not throwing my life away. Not doing drugs or spending like crazy, but you guys are making me feel like I am.’ He takes a deep breath and says, ‘It’s fine.’
We stay at the poolside for a little while. He orders a Pepsi too and a plate of French fries. I’m hungry and we both finish it swiftly. Every now and then my mind throws up an impossibility, a strange thing that I don’t want: me and him. It’s probably just the rush of a new place.
‘What’s that tattoo?’ I ask of the little date that’s scribbled under his shoulder on his chest.
‘Rabbani’s birthday,’ he answers. ‘The date that changed my life.’
‘How did it change your life?’
‘It’s like I was meant to be a brother. I didn’t know it, of course. And the day I became one, I knew, yes, this is what I want to be. I wanted a little sister. It was pretty cool.’
‘Would you tattoo the date you met Sameeksha next to it?’
