‘And you did,’ said Brahmi. I felt her hand hover near my head. She adjusted the bandage. ‘So you like me?’
My voice failed me for a bit. The words came out in a stutter. Is the painkiller wearing off? Her smile only made it worse. I said, ‘I have never had a girl for a friend so . . . also, you’re so much like me. So I think I just . . . I don’t know. I spoilt everything, didn’t I?’
‘You were right about something. You’re just like me.’
‘Am I?’
‘Richa could reach out to me easily because that day wasn’t the first day I was near your house. I have been there before, multiple times, just like you have been to mine.’
‘But . . . but—’
‘It shouldn’t be surprising to you since I know you have done the same. But if you want to know why I was there, I’ll tell you that I wanted to see Mina. It assuaged some of my guilt over losing Adolf. After a few days I realized I was looking at you, not Mina.’
‘Why would you look at me, Brahmi?’
‘Why would you look at me, Raghu?’
LUP-DUP.
‘I have talked to my Mumma too about you.’
LUP-DUP.
‘Did you tell her I scored as much as you did in the boards? Because you should tell her I scored as much as you did.’
‘I might have missed that,’ she said.
‘Why would you not tell her that?’
‘It’s entirely my decision,’ she said.
‘And what is your decision?’
‘Raghu. If we are to decide to like each other more than we like others then there is a minefield of ground rules to follow.’
‘I will never lie again.’
‘That’s the least of our worries, don’t you think? What if tomorrow I wake up to an assembly announcement of your suicide? What will it do to me?’ asked Brahmi.
‘Do you get these dreams too?’ She didn’t answer. I continued, ‘But I will have you know that I haven’t felt suicidal for a very long time. The little voice inside of me has quietened. So much so that I feel almost selfish for having moved on from Sami’s death,’ I said.
‘Raghu.’
‘Let’s decide we won’t do it then? Let’s promise to live. Let’s save each other,’ I said.
‘This is exactly what I am afraid of, Raghu. I can’t promise you that and you can’t promise me that even. You know nothing about me.’
‘Why don’t you tell me?’
‘I don’t know how to,’ she said.
‘You parents clearly know, why can’t I?’
‘Because you can’t,’ she said.
‘So us liking each other is off the table? Is that what you’re saying?’
‘It’s not off the table. But I don’t want to be a reason for more sorrow.’
