‘That’s it? You don’t want to tell me why you need it?’ asked Dada.
‘I will tell you when there’s need to tell you.’
‘Raghu? Zubeida is coming to Delhi tomorrow. Would you want to meet her? I told her you would,’ he said.
‘I would rather cut off my tongue. Why would I want to meet that Musalman—’
‘Raghu! That’s really—’
I stormed out. Back in the room I listened to the songs whose words remained a mystery to me. Maa made biryani today but it tasted like ash.
‘You don’t like it?’ asked Maa.
‘Why don’t you ask Dada if he likes it? He seems to have developed a taste for biryani, haven’t you, Dada?’
‘Shut up, Raghu.’
‘Yes, you seem to be pretty good at shutting up these days.’
‘Whatever it is between the two of you,’ interrupted Maa, ‘don’t get it to my dinner table.’
P.S. Have noticed a building from the bus back from school. It is a good twenty minutes away by a bus or car from home. I intend to check it out soon. It must be at least twelve-storeys high. It’s also new so I am thinking the security might be a little bit of an issue. But let’s see.
Just saying.
3 May 1999
Aren’t there times so sad even crying doesn’t cut it? Like on a pain scale, what you’re feeling is immeasurable? That’s what Dada and Brahmi made me feel today.
Brahmi had been lying to me all this time. She had called me a friend. Why did she have to throw the word around casually if it didn’t mean anything to her? I didn’t ask her to label what we were. She chose the word and sullied it. Maybe I deserve it. Damn it. Adolf is dead. Mina’s brother is dead, gone, lost. And Brahmi’s wholly to blame for it. Brahmi’s parents hadn’t allowed the puppy home so she had kept the puppy outside, feeding him, wrapping him in blankets, smuggling him home in the nights after everyone was asleep. She never thought to mention it when we discussed Mina and Adolf, or even ask if I wanted to take him home.
‘How could you do this to me?’
‘Your family had accepted it and mine hadn’t. I couldn’t find it in my heart to tell you,’ she said.
‘So you would just lie?’
‘I didn’t—’
‘I didn’t what! You didn’t think that he would get lost? He was a puppy! What else did you expect from him?’
‘We can find him.’
‘Of course we will find him. We will find him dead! DEAD!’
‘Don’t say that,’ she said.
‘Why didn’t you tell your mother to keep him inside?! Didn’t she have sense? Or is she as stupid as you are?’
‘Raghu—’
‘Just shut up!’
Brahmi started crying and I stormed off. A part of me wanted to apologize for what I had said about her mother, the other was still furious. A little later she found me in the basement.
‘You should have told me,’ I said when I saw her approach.
‘I’m sorry.’
