I froze up, my jaw hanging open. That certainly wasn’t what I’d been expecting to hear.
“No excuses,” he continued. “No trying to explain away my shitty behavior. I want to apologize and tell you that I know I fucked up.”
I wasn’t doing this. Not now when my heart felt like a fresh, throbbing bruise. “I can’t do this with you.”
The sound of voices outside had finally registered to Ziggy, because I heard his claws skittering across the floors a second before his body thumped into the wood and he started in with his excited bark.
“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, Lennix. And I don’t mean only recently.”
“I’m serious, Raylan.”
“You’ve been branded on my mind since you kissed me all those months ago.”
“Don’t,” I snapped. That one word sprang up so harshly Raylan froze and Ziggy stopped barking. Even Havoc went still, his head canting to the side as he blinked up at me. I fisted my hands at my sides and dropped my head back. “God!” I said on a shout. “You’re unbelievable!” It was an accusation, not praise. It felt like my insides were boiling over. I didn’t know if I wanted to throttle him or rip his clothes off and climb him like a tree. “Ihatethat I ever kissed you. Everything would be so much easier if I’d never told you how I felt. Hell! If I never had feelings for you at all!” I let out another shout as everything came spilling out. “I hate that I put myself out there and got clobbered. Thatone of my very best friends was the one to hurt me like you’ve been hurting me over and over for months! But mostly, I hate, hate,hatethat I still have feelings for you. That I can’t shut them off no matter how hard I try?—”
His arm lashed out like a snake striking, his long fingers wrapping around my bicep and yanking me forward so hard I crashed into the solid wall of his chest. My yelp of surprise was swallowed up when his mouth crashed down on mine.
There was no hesitation in this kiss, no beat where our brains needed to catch up to our bodies. It was instant... the want. Theneed. Raw, unfiltered desire was swept back and forth between us with each swipe of our tongues. He kissed me like he was feeding from me, like everything he could ever need to survive was inside me.
He plundered like he owned me, kissing me in a way I’d never been kissed before. My blood felt alive, like sparklers rushing through my veins. I rose up on the very tips of my toes to get closer, looping my arms around his shoulders to pull him even closer. But it still wasn’t enough. My fingers tangled in the hair at the base of his neck and gripped tight. When his hands came down to grip my ass, those huge hands palming my cheeks, a million tiny explosions went off in my belly like it was the Fourth of July.
I whimpered into his mouth when he nipped down on my bottom lip and pressed me against the rough wall. He groaned deep and ragged when I rocked myself against him. I felt needy. My breasts were heavy, my nipples hard enough to cut glass, and my core pulsed, an ache building between my legs. I was more turned on by his kiss than I had been the last time I had sex.
I was so lost in the kiss, in Raylan and the way my skin felt like it was on fire everywhere he touched me, that I might not have ever come up for air again. Fortunately—or unfortunately—Havoc chose that moment to let out a sharp yip right before helatched onto the hem of my pantleg. That little puppy snapped me out of my Raylan daze and shoved me right back into the present. Back to harsh reality.
My hands fell away from Raylan’s shoulders and I lowered myself to my feet. I had to hold my hand up to stop him when his lips tried chasing after mine. I couldn’t afford to get lost in him. Not if I wanted to keep my sanity intact.
Raylan
Loss.That was what I felt when Lennix pulled away, ending the best kiss of my goddamn life. Loss. My heart jolted in my chest when I met her gaze and found those forest green eyes shuttered, closing me out a-fucking-gain.
“Lenni. Baby.”
Her hand came back up and her eyes closed as she shook her head. It was taking a show of strength I never, in a million years, would have guessed I was capable of to keep from reaching out and grabbing her, pulling her back against me. But,Christ, did she fit against me like she belonged there. Like she was made just for me.
I was at a loss for words as she backed away and reached into her purse, pulling her keys out. Everything I thought to say felt inadequate as I watched her step across the threshold. Havoc was right on her heels, casting me a single backward glance before darting inside. Then, for the second time in one fuckingday, Lennix closed a door in my face, taking herself away from me.
And as I stood on her front porch, my dick rock-hard and straining for her the same way my heart was trying to bust through my ribs to get to her, I knew it was the last time. Never again would she close herself off from me, because I couldn’t stand another fucking second of her not being mine.
Chapter Seventeen
Lennix
My head had been a muddled mess since that kiss with Raylan the other night. No matter how many times I tried to push the memory away, it refused to budge from its place at the forefront of my mind. I felt like I was being pulled in two different directions. One part of me wanted to be angry, to rage at him for having the audacity to kiss me like it was his right. The other part couldn’t get over the fact that it was the best kiss of my entire life,hands down.
I hadn’t thought it was possible to get that close to an orgasm just from having a man’s mouth on mine, but that was how gifted Raylan was. I’d nearly spontaneously combusted right there on my front porch. It had only lasted a couple of minutes, tops, but it still managed to scramble my brain. It had been two days and I swore I could still feel his lips on mine. Could feel the way his large, hard body pushed into me, pinning me between the wall and all those warm muscles. I could still feel his erection, hard and hot, pulsing behind his zipper as he rockedhis hips into me. He’d overwhelmed every single one of my senses, and I still hadn’t managed to work him out of my system.
I blew a gust of air past my lips and shook my head to clear the haze of lust that swamped me every time I thought back to that stupid kiss. That kernel of hope I thought I’d stomped to death after our first disastrous kiss had come back to life, blooming with a vengeance, and even though it would only lead to more pain, there was nothing I could do to stop it from growing.
My sexual frustration had sparked to the point I had to take matters into my own hands—multiple times. With just the memory of that kiss and my trusty vibrator, I got off so fast it had to have been some kind of world record.
Unfortunately, it only took the edge off for a short while. Now, as I put my car into park outside my parents’ house for a family dinner, I had to squeeze my thighs together against the pressure building in my core. Talk about bad timing.
I did my best to put all things Raylan out of my mind as I headed into my childhood home. The familiar creak of the screen door helped to center me as I stepped inside.
“I’m here,” I called out as the door slapped closed behind me and the smells of home surrounded me like a soft, cozy blanket. There was nothing so stressful that coming home, even for a short while, wouldn’t help.
That was what I’d been thinking as I passed out hugs... then I saw the man I was trying hard to forget over by the fireplace with a bottle of beer in his hand, and my lungs seized. My stomach flipped and my heart started beating faster at the sight of him standing there, casual as can be. However, as I looked closer, I could see his tension in the way the skin around his eyes and mouth pulled tight. To anyone who didn’t know better, he appeared to be relaxed and at ease. But I’d been obsessed with the man for years, so I paid way too much attention, and thedarkening of that gunmetal gave him away. He was pissed about something. And from the way his lips thinned out as he turned his head to meet my gaze, I had a sneaking suspicion it had to do with me. Though, I couldn’t imagine what I could have possibly done.
