That was a rhetorical question. It absolutelywasa problem for this woman. That was why I’d made up the lie in the first place. “Uh...” Instead of making up some bullshit excuse, she simply turned on her heel and bolted—not just in the other direction, but out of the bar completely.
“Huh.” I tipped my head down and met Havoc’s big brown eyes. “A drawanda repellant. You’re the ultimate wingman.”
The skin on the back of my neck began to tingle, and, when I followed that feeling, I caught eyes on me coming from Lennix’s table, only it wasn’t her looking at me. It was Rae, and she looked like she wanted to tie me up and rip out my leg hairs, one at a time.
I lifted my hand, giving her a hesitant wave, wondering what I’d done to earn that look. However, before I could give it much more thought, my focus was pulled when Lennix rose from the table, offering her girls cheek kisses before heading off in the direction of her office. I moved quickly, heading her off at the mouth of the hallway.
I wasn’t sure when it had happened, but it had become downright impossible to be in the same room as her and not getsucked in by her gravitational pull. I couldn’t stay away from her. I didn’twantto. That was something I needed to get control of before I did something in front of Zach that I couldn’t explain.
“Have a good lunch?” I asked, coming up beside her. She’d tried picking up the pace to outrun me, not that it did her a lick of good. Getting in step at her side was easy, given how short her legs were.
From the corner of my eye I caught her bring her hand up and massage at the skin between her brows like she was trying to fight off a headache. She pulled up short in front of her closed office door and spun around to face me. “What do you want, Raylan?”
My brows pulled together. “What do you mean?”
“Why are you here?” she asked, stressing that last word. “Why stick around? Why not go off and do... anything else?” She waved her arm in an arching half-circle. “As you can see, I’m perfectly safe here. There’s no reason for you to stand guard.”
My jaw worked side to side as I ground my back molars together while I tried to formulate an answer. I wasn’t particularly good at emotional stuff. Despite growing up with three sisters, I could be pretty stunted when it came to feelings and shit. It was something I’d known about myself for a really long time. One of the reasons I knew I wasn’t built for a real, lasting relationship. But I found that, in that very moment, I didn’t want to answer in a way that would lighten the situation or give her some vague non-answer.
For the first time in memory, I wanted to be real with someone. Whether it came back to bite me in the ass or not.
I sucked in a deep breath and swallowed, trying to force down the jagged lump that had formed in my throat. “I’m here...”Fuckwhy was this so goddamn hard?
She stood motionless. Her eyes were swirling with a million different emotions. But as the seconds ticked by andI remained silent, the one that became most prominent was disappointment. And fuck if that didn’t burn like a hot brand melting my skin.
She dropped her head before giving it a shake. “You know what? Just forget it.”
Everything in me coated in a thick layer of panic when she turned around and reached for the knob. Desperation clutched at my chest like a boa constrictor. “I’m here because I can’t stay away from you.” Each of those words shot out of me with the speed and power of a bullet out of a gun.
For a moment it looked like I had managed to freeze her solid with those words. Then she slowly turned her head to look at me. Her eyes were wide and her lips parted in shock. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen her stunned into silence. She was always so loud and full of life and passion.
I knew I was fucking this up, but I didn’t know how the fuck to put everything I was feeling into words. At least with Havoc in the carrier on my chest I had my hands free to rake them through my hair anxiously. The silence surrounding us was making me twitchy and agitated, like I had insects crawling around beneath my skin. The longer she stared without saying a word, the tighter my chest got until I couldn’t stand it for another fucking second.
“Will you say something? Please.” I wasn’t even ashamed at how desperate that last word sounded. “Just say anything.”
“I—” Her throat worked on a swallow, and I watched like a hand was wrapped around my throat, squeezing so tight I couldn’t take a full breath, as her gaze shuttered. I could practically feel her closing down on me, shutting me out, and there wasn’t a goddamn thing I could do about it.
“I can’t do this right now. I’m sorry.” The door to her office closed in my face, sealing me out, before I could evencomprehend her response. Leaving me feeling like I’d just been kicked in the gut, knocking the wind right out of me.
Chapter Sixteen
Lennix
Ichickened out. There had been a million questions circling my brain like one of those carousels that had been turned up to a thousand, but when I finally had the chance to demand answers, I froze up. Then I ran like a coward.
If avoidance was an occupation I would have excelled at it, making enough money that the generations who came after me would never have to work a day in their lives. The silver lining: I’d put so much effort into avoiding Raylan that I’d holed myself up in my office for hours, finishing a ton of administrative work I hated so much and usually put off until the last minute. I hoped it wasn’t a dumpster fire of a disaster, because I’d basically been moving on autopilot as my brain played all things Raylan on a continuous loop.
Another thing I had managed to do in the time I’d been attached to my desk was stew on everything Raylan had said until I had a nice simmering rage churning inside of me. I mean, how dare that asshole, right?Heshot me down.Hepushed me away. Andhewas the one incapable of handling normal humanemotions.Fuck that guymy head was screaming while my body shouted backyep,definitelyfuck that guy, because he’s seriously hot. My heart was no help either, the damn thing was so confused.
I’d just finished the last of the invoicing and emailed the inventory list and shift schedule to Sam—and silently prayed I hadn’t accidentally screwed everything up—when a knock on my door pulled me from the blue-light stupor my computer had put me in at some point.
My stomach flipped in a loop as I stared at the door like I might miraculously be able to see through it. I hesitated long enough that the person on the other side knocked again, giving me a jolt. “Come in.” The words came out as a squeak, so I cleared my throat and started again.
I told myself the dropping sensation in my belly at the sight of Davis’s head popping around the door was relief. It wasnotdisappointment that the floating head wasn’t Raylan’s.
“Hey, Boss Lady. You all good in here?”
My head cocked to the side and my brows pulled together in a confused frown. “Yeah, of course. Why do you ask?”
