“Nothing,” Lindsay admitted. He stepped a little closer, wishing he could touch Drew. If he could only touch him, perhaps everything would be all right. “But you didn’t say you wanted to die either.”
Drew closed his eyes. The anger seemed to have gone out of him—now he just sounded exhausted. “I wish I had.”
Lindsay stared at him, appalled. “What do you mean by that?”
Drew laughed without humour, eyes still closed. “What do I have to live for, Lindsay? I told you before—my family is dead. I have no intention of marrying again. Especially not now—God, howcouldI now?” He shook his head blindly. “For these last few years, the only thing that has kept me rising each morning is my work and—”
“Do not say that you wanted to die,” Lindsay bit out.
“I wasn’t going to,” Drew replied wearily. “But that doesn’t mean I want to prolong my existence indefinitely.”
Lindsay opened his mouth to respond to that, to argue with it, but he found he couldn’t make a sound. His throat had closed up and his heart ached with a queer, sharp agony.
“I would not have chosen this life you have thrust on me,” Drew continued. “A life I cannot even fathom the scope of at this point.” He gave a harsh laugh, edged with disbelief. “Mr. Neville says you are hundred and fifty years old. Is that true?”
“Yes.” Lindsay lowered himself to sit on the edge of the mattress, careful to maintain his distance, making no attempt to touch Drew. “I thought I was doing the right thing,” he said. “I couldn’t bear it, you see. The thought of you dying. The truth is, Drew we aremates. I lov—”
“Don’t!” Drew hissed. His voice was sharp as a blade, cutting through Lindsay’s words. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You barely know me.”
Lindsay fell silent, but his wolf howled in protest. It knew its mate. Wanted its mate, even as that same mate rejected him.
After a short silence, Lindsay said, tentatively, “What did Francis tell you exactly? About your new nature.”
“That I’m a monster now,” Drew replied flatly. “Like you.”
Lindsay winced. “What else?”
“That I will transform into a wolf each month. That I will be a slave to the cycles of the moon. That I’ll want to run and hunt at full moon, and perhaps at other times too.” He shook his head. “I wouldn’t have believed him if I hadn’t seen it happen myself.” Closing his eyes, he added weakly, “You ripped that man’s throat out.”
“He was going to kill you—”
“You rippedmythroat out.”
“Drew, please,” Lindsay said, his voice hoarse with emotion. “I had to.”
“No,” Drew spat. “You didn’t. Youchoseto. And so help me, I willneverforgive you for making that choice for me—fortakingthat choice from me.” His voice gave out on the final words of that declaration and he turned his face away from Lindsay to stare at the wall. After a few moments he added stiffly, “Could you leave me alone now?”
“Drew, I—”
“Lindsay, please,” Drew begged, his voice shaking with helpless fury. “I can’t even bear to look at you.”
Lindsay closed his eyes. “Very well,” he said. “I will leave you for now, but we will have to talk eventually, you know. We need to discuss what—”
“No,” Drew interrupted. “We have nothing to discuss.”
Lindsay ignored his wolf’s whimper. Forcing himself to respond calmly, he said, “Drew, we have to talk about the future. We have to—”
“No, we don’t,” Drew said furiously. “Wehaveno future—no shared future, that is. There isnothingbetween us. I hate what you’ve done to me. I wouldn’t have expected this of my worst enemy, never mind someone who—” He broke off, exhaling sharply. Tried again. “If you imagined I could ever have welcomed this, it only shows how little you know me.”
Lindsay could only stare at him. Every part of Lindsay hurt, a soul-deep agony racking him inside and out. He couldn’t even feel his wolf anymore.
Finally, moving slowly, he got to his feet. He could think of nothing else to say. No way to persuade Drew to listen.
He left the room, carefully closing the door behind him.
––––––––
HE FOUND FRANCIS SITTINGin the parlour, a letter in his hands.
