It’s how Dad refers to Lucas, how he’s referred to him since we were in high school. I stiffen at the mention of him, biting back a bitter laugh at the thought of him sticking around. Guess he hasn’t told Dad yet, then. Is he planning on pulling the same shit with him? Ditching his responsibilities here to go chase whatever’s caught his attention elsewhere?
Wouldn’t be the first time.
Maybe I should tell Dad, pull the rug out from under Lucas. I’m certainly angry enough to, but I don’t have the energy to get into it with Dad right now. I don’t want to explain how I found out and face Dad’s pity. Worse, I don’t want to run the risk that he’d actually support Lucas’s decision.
A heavy sigh rips out of my mouth the second the door closes behind Dad, and I slump down with my head on the table, utterly miserable.
“That bad, huh?” Mary asks.
I shoot up immediately, straightening my back and blinking at her. God, I completely forgot she was still here. My head’s such a mess right now.
“Just didn’t sleep well,” I say.
It’s not a lie. I haven’t slept for shit since that night in Lucas’s trailer, and it only got worse after hearing him with Wayne.
Mary hums curiously, nudging the dishwasher closed and wiping her hands off on a dish towel before turning to face me properly. She rakes her pale blue eyes over me consideringly, but I refuse to shrink away from the look.
“Lucas hasn’t been sleeping well either,” she says blandly.
I grit my teeth, glaring at her. “Couldn’t care less.”
She snorts, raising a disbelieving brow as she comes to join me at the table. If I was a dog, I’d be bristling and baring my teeth, but I content myself with crossing my arms over my chest.
“Of course not.” She manages to sound reasonable and sarcastic at the same time, and if I hadn’t grown to respect her so much, I’d be tempted to blow up at her. “He doesn’t matter to you at all, right?”
“Not even a little,” I lie shamelessly.
Mary nods, leaning back in her seat and tilting her head as she looks at me. “Got it.”
The silence drags out between us, oppressive and growing heavier by the second. I level her with an exasperated look, knowing exactly what she’s trying to do. Any other day, I could wait her out and keep my thoughts close to my chest, but I’ve been running myself ragged. She knows it. She’s counting on it.
I roll my eyes and decide to just get it over with. It’ll be easier if I just spit it out and tell her to leave me alone and let me deal with it.
“I know you want me to tell you what’s going on, but there’s nothing to tell,” I say, the harshness in my tone directed more at myself than at her. “He dropped me like it was nothing after fouryears together because he wanted to go to college on a football scholarship. Didn’t make any attempt to stay together, never got in touch with me after he left. And then I was stupid enough to fall into bed with him when he came back, and I got my feelings hurt.”
Lucas and Jenny, abridged version. The details don’t matter anymore.
“You sure you got your own feelings hurt? He didn’t hurt you?”
There’s a protective glint in her eyes that I’d appreciate if I wasn’t so fucking tired of it all.
“Who cares?” I ask with a sigh. “He got a job. He’s leaving, same as last time. Fucked me, told me I was his, and then dropped the news that he was leaving. He’s going, and I’m an idiot, and I’ll get over it. Seriously, Mary, I don’t want to talk about this.”
Mary frowns, but there’s no pity on her face. Sympathy, sure, but she mostly just looks frustrated.
“He’s not acting like he’s leaving. Or like hewantsto leave,” she points out. “He’s been working himself to the bone, staying out late with Everett for the past few days. He looks like he’s seriously interested in learning about the ranch.”
I wave her words off, getting up to dump the last few dregs of my coffee out in the sink.
“He’s just keeping himself busy. He’s waiting on a start date at the new job, and I laid into him pretty hard. I’m sure he’s just avoiding me.”
Which is good. Things will be better if we avoid each other. I never want to see his fucking face again. The sooner he leaves, the better.
“What aren’t you telling me, Jenny? You’re saying all this like you don’t care, but there’s still hope in your eyes. You still look for him every time you go out to the barn. If you hated himso much, you’d ice him out completely. You’re obsessed with controlling everything, even when it pushes people away. I don’t believe for a second that you wouldn’t forget about him entirely if you really wanted to.”
Since when does she know me so well?
The thought of being so obvious makes me want to hide, so I do what I always do when I’m uncomfortable—I get mad. I sneer at her, glaring at her down the bridge of my nose, only more annoyed when she doesn’t waver.
