“Cross.”
I jolt out of my self-disgusted brooding to find Wayne leaning against the open door of the feed room. Anxiety sits heavily in my stomach, my mind deciding that he’s here to kick me off the ranch, or at least ream me out for moping instead of doing my job.
Instead, he tilts his head toward the benches by the other wall and grins.
“Come have a beer with me.”
I blink in confusion, shaking my head slowly. If he wants me gone, he should just say it. I don’t need to be coddled and let down easily.
“No thanks, man.”
Wayne’s grin sharpens at the edges. “Wasn’t a request. Don’t have to drink if you don’t want to, but come sit with me, at least.”
This family and their goddamn stubborn streak. I toss the feed scoop back into one of the buckets, wanting to get this over with. I probably shouldn’t, but a beer—or six—sounds fucking heavenly right now.
Wayne leads me over to the benches and sprawls out lazily across one side, his head tilted back against the barn wall. He snags two beers from the ground and holds one out to me with an arched brow. I take it, the condensation cool against my fingers, and drop down onto the bench beside him. He’s relaxed, boots kicked out in front of him, but tension fills every muscle in my body.
I don’t know Wayne all that well, and while he and Jenny have had their issues, I know he’s fiercely protective of his sister. At least he can’t say anything worse to me than I’ve already said to myself.
“You’re in a shitty mood,” he muses, taking a sip of his beer.
I laugh humorlessly and twist the top off my own before chugging half of it down. My hands shake with nerves and frustration, and I wish he’d just say what he has to say and get it over with.
“I’ve noticed,” I say bluntly, staring at the ground between my feet.
“Jenny’s pissed.”
“Noticed that, too,” I bite out, focusing too hard on the ant crawling over bits of hay in an attempt to distract myself.
Wayne sighs heavily, and I see him glance over from the corner of my eye, but I don’t look at him.
“Talk to me, man.” It’s an instruction, not a request. “Seemed like things were going well between you two. You fuck up?”
Guilt chokes me, but I grit my teeth and force myself to nod. I won’t do Jenny the disservice of pretending like this isn’t all my fault.
“Got a job offer out of town,” I say, although we both know that’s not the root of the problem. I just need to work myself up to saying it out loud. “She blew up when I told her about it, said I was abandoning her again. Told me… Told me she loved me when we were in high school.” My voice breaks, and I take another long gulp of my beer, desperate for a distraction. “I thought she wasn’t as serious about us as I was. Thought she saw what we had as casual. Was too fucking scared back then to admit it, and when I went to college, she told me to fuck off. Figured that was it. I didn’t realize I hurt her. She never said… I just thought she was mad.”
Wayne whistles lowly, shaking his head at me.
“She was. Pissed to hell and back. You betrayed her, even if you didn’t know it.” Wayne doesn’t sugarcoat things, and it makes me feel a little less stupid for spilling my guts like this. Maybe he knew I needed this. Maybe he wants me to understand things properly. Maybe he’s trying to tell me there’s hope forsomethinghere. “She never got over you. Didn’t date anyone after you left. She and Al talked about you all the time. I overheard them every so often, saying how much they both missed you. Seemed like they were the only ones who understood each other on that point.”
She talked to Dad about me? About how much she missed me? AboutDadmissing me?
My chest aches viciously at the thought of making both of them so lonely, leaving them here with hardly anything for a goodbye. I thought I was doing the right thing for them, that I was giving Jenny freedom and taking the weight of caring for me off Dad’s shoulders.
I didn’t think I was hurting them.
“Fuck.” The word comes out ragged, threaded with pain and guilt, and I drag my hand over my face to try to keep my tears at bay. “God, I’m such a fucking idiot. She’s all I ever wanted. I washoping we could try long distance back then, but she just told me to leave, and I didn’t have the guts to even ask. Wanted to do the same this time, thought maybe she could come visit me, or even start her own accounting firm. Thought we might be able to live together, do things right this time.”
Wayne takes another slow sip of his beer, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees as he levels me with a steady look.
“Did you tell her you wanted to stay together?” he asks. “When you told her about the job, I mean. Did you say any of this?”
“She didn’t give me a chance,” I say, my voice breaking. “Ran out before I could figure out what to say.”
“You didn’t try hard enough, you mean,” Wayne corrects me.
I look up sharply, surprised at the gentle edge to the harsh words. Wayne’s face is warm, open, his lips curled just slightly at the edges in a sad smile. He takes a swig of his beer before continuing.
