All it takes is a pretty face and a few sweet words while I’m getting my guts rearranged, and I fall for it all.
I should have listened to Elias right from the start. He knew from the second I told him Lucas was back that I’d wind up falling for the bastard again. Butno, I insisted I had it under control, that I had a hold on my heart.
I’ve never had a hold on my heart.
It’s been in Lucas’s hands this whole fucking time.
And now he’s tossing it to the ground, just as careless as he’s always been.
I have no one to blame but myself. I let him do this, gave him everything without putting a single safety measure in place for myself. Lucas is the same as always, but I decided to delude myself into thinking he’d changed.
Like he ever would.
Maybe for himself, but not for me. Never for me.
I don’t want to do this all again. Ican’tdo this all again. If I let myself fall apart, I won’t ever be able to pick back up the pieces. Last time was different—I was angry, hurt, wanted to lash out at everyone around me. I closed myself off entirely. I didn’tlet family or friends get anywhere near my heart foryears, didn’t give anyone who tried to flirt with me the time of day. I was fine back then.
This time I’mtired.
I’m hollow and exhausted and disgusted with myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m furious, but I can’t get over the hurdle of blame. I did this to myself. I trusted my heart even when IknewI shouldn’t, and look where it got me.
Alone, crying on my bedroom floor like a teenager.
Left behind for fucking football. God, I’ve never hated a sport more.
I laugh bitterly, thunking my head back against the door as tears stream down my face. This is what I get, right? I had plans, I had rules, I had goals. And I ignored them all the second Lucas pinned me in place with those baby blues.
Never again.
Not for anyone.
I’ll build up my walls stronger and taller than ever before, close myself off to everyone who hasn’t proven themselves already. And if they fuck up, they’re out. I’m not giving second chances anymore.
Even if I wind up completely alone, at least I’ll know I did what I had to and kept myself safe.
I can do it all alone if I have to.
Another burst of tears floods down my cheeks at the thought, but I ignore it. It doesn’t matter. I’m strong enough that I can live through this.
I’m strong enough to do it on my own.
The pain will fade over time.
I’ll be fine.
I’ll befine.
LUCAS
The door slams behind Jenny hard enough to shake the trailer, but I don’t waver an inch. I don’t think I could move if someone held a gun to my head right now.
Love?
Shelovedme?
What the fuck does that evenmean?
She sent me packing without a moment to explain myself last time, no chance to even try to stay together, and she’s doing the same thing now. I always thought it was because she didn’t care as much as I did. I thought she was happy for us to be nothing more than high school sweethearts, or a fling this time, but that word is sending my entire world into a tailspin.
