I don’t get far. In fact, I hardly make it out of the feed room.
One of Lucas’s massive hands wraps around my elbow seconds after I step back into the barn, and I don’t even have time to gasp before he presses me bodily against one of the stalls. The wood is cool and a little scratchy through the fabric of my shirt. The scent of hay and animals and Lucas’s cologne makes my head swim.
“You know the stall lights stay on all night. You know everything about this ranch, after all,” he points out, smug satisfaction dripping from his tone when I just stare at him. “Tell me the real reason. Why are you out here?”
Goddamnit. How can he keep his head on straight like this? Am I the only one affected right now? I can’t even think straight, the wall of muscle pressed against me making it impossible to form a single thought. I knew he’d put on some bulk, but he’s sobignow that it makes me a little lightheaded.
He slides even closer, his knee slipping between my thighs like it fuckingbelongsthere, and a whimper slips from my throat.
I grab at his forearms where they rest on either side of my waist, digging my nails in against the bulging muscle there. It’s a shitty attempt at regaining control, especially when the heat of his skin only serves to further derail my thoughts.
He just grins, the bastard.
“Still use the same shampoo, huh?” He murmurs the words, fondly reminiscent as he reaches up and twists a lock of my still-damp hair around his finger. “Could smell it as soon as you walked in. I always liked how it smelled on you.”
What thefuck?
How can he just say shit like this? With a straight face, too. He just grins at me when I flush all the way down to my throat, and I have nowhere to hide the flash-flood of desire that sweeps through me.
“Lucas, I…”
“Keep saying my name, sweetheart.” That teasing grin doesn’t waver for a second, but his voice sounds almost desperate, a tremor in his words that I don’t know what to do with. “Just be honest for once. Don’t you want this? All you have to do is tell me.”
If I’m honest, it’ll tear both of us apart. I’ve spent so long ignoring the hurt he caused me, and if I admit it out loud, I’ll never come back from it.
But goddamnit, I do want this.
He’s so close, warm and firm against me, and Iwant. I feel so desperate that it’s embarrassing to admit even to myself, and when he leans in closer, my mind goes entirely blank.
“Tell me, Jenny,” he says, damn near pleading.
His lips brush against mine, just barely, hardly more weight than a breath.
Reality crashes back into me at the same exact moment.
I shove him back, hard enough to make him stumble, and push off the barn wall as desire turns course and bleeds into anger.
“Who thefuckdo you think you are?” I hiss, keeping my voice low only so it doesn’t carry back to the house. I want to lay into him, to scream and rave, but I can’t and it only serves to make me more angry. “Stay the fuck away from me, Cross, or I swear?—”
“Whatis your fucking problem?” he cuts me off, shoving a hand through his hair in frustration. “I’ll back off, whatever, but you’ve been acting like a psycho since I got here. You want me to leave you alone? Fucking fine. But you need to get your head out of your ass and either tell me why you hate me so much or deal with it like a fucking adult.”
I gape at him, an irate laughing bubbling up from my gut.
“Oh, that’s rich coming from the king of avoiding his problems,” I spit. “You shouldn’t even be here in the firstplace! You hated the ranch when we were kids, had no problem running off as soon as we graduated, so why won’t you do it now? Always wanted bigger and better, didn’t you? You could never be happy with what you had. Go chase your fucking tail somewhere else!”
My chest heaves as the dam finally breaks, years of anger and agony spitting like venom from my tongue. Lucas’s mouth drops open as his face colors with rage to match mine.
“God forbid I have a fucking dream!” he scoffs. “Should I have stayed here and rotted away, then? Would that have made you happy?”
I thought the pain of him leaving the first time was bad enough, but hearing that cuts me straight to the bone. He tossed me aside as soon as we graduated to run off on a football scholarship, using little more than half-assed excuses of needing to focus on his career and saying we could be friends. Back then, he refused to meet my eyes. He’s not refusing to meet my eyes now, though — brilliant blue blazing with outrage that he doesn’t deserve to send my way.
“Oh, yeah, laugh it up,” I say viciously. “How’d chasing your dream go? Heard you ripped your ACL in half and can’t play for shit now. Real shame that I stayed behind and set up a successful life for myself, huh?”
Lucas flinches at my harsh words, but I’m done pulling my punches, done holding my tongue. I was only going to Tallahassee because of their football program in the first place. If he’d asked me to go to Utah with him, I’d have gone in a heartbeat. Instead, he shattered my heart into pieces and left me here to wither away, alone.
He’s the one who threw this away, and I’m not going to give him an inch.
“Oh, fuck you, Jenny, you never?—”
