Now, where on earth had that thought come from? She drew in a shuddering breath and wrapped her arms around herself to prevent herself from doing anything foolish.
He looked at her sharply. “Are you cold?”
If truth be told, she was rather hot.
He took off his coat and placed it around her shoulders before she could say anything.
“Th–thank you.” She inhaled the spicy, smoky, masculine scent of his leather jacket. Gabriel stood in front of her in shirtsleeves. Once more, the analogy of a pirate came to her.
“Did you ever wish to become a sailor?” Birdie blurted out the first thing that came to her mind.
“No. I would have made a poor naval officer. I don’t have any sea legs at all. I am a landlubber through and through.”
“Sometimes I wish I could board a ship and sail away. One can’t help but wonder what horizon is beyond, where the sun meets the sea.” Birdie pointed at the distance, where the sun dipped into the ocean.
Gabriel followed her gaze. “I suppose if you follow it long enough, you’ll end in the Americas.”
“It must be nice to be a man and to have the freedom to travel,” Birdie said wistfully.
“Do you wish to travel?” He gave her an inquisitive look.
“Oh, yes. This is the farthest I’ve ever travelled. I am in the midst of a glorious adventure.” She took a big breath of salty sea air.
“You think this is an adventure?”
Birdie opened her eyes wide. “Very much so. Look around you. What do you see?” She waved her hand about.
“A decrepit castle. A village full of grumpy people. Infernally damp weather and a girl who is shivering.”
She uttered a short laugh. “I see a beautiful medieval castle, a cobalt blue ocean and a fairy tale meadow with purple flowers. There is much potential in this place.”
“You seem to enjoy being here more than I.”
“Perhaps that is because I am more curious about people and places than you are.”
He did not respond to that.
“What happened that gave you this scar?” she heard herself say.
He stilled.
“I apologise. You don’t have to tell me if you’d rather not.” She turned back toward the castle.
“You have repeatedly accused me of not caring for the people here. I would like you to understand some things,” Gabriel said in a low voice. “So that you don’t think I am the monster many think I am.”
Birdie held her breath.
“I was the captain of a light company in the second battalion, Coldstream Guards. We were a close-knit group of nearly fifty men. We’d fought many wars together: the Peninsula, Spain, Portugal. You wouldn’t find a finer and more loyal bunch of men. Even though I was the youngest of the lot, I was their leader and captain. They trusted me with their lives.” Gabriel looked at her with burning eyes. “And because they did, they are all dead now. Every single one of them. Because of me. Because they followed my command.”
“It was a war. You couldn’t have known of the consequences,” Birdie whispered.
“It was my job to know,” he snapped harshly. “I was their captain. I was their leader. They trusted me blindly. If I told them to go right, sending them straight into the jaws of hell, they did so without as much as blinking. None of them survived. Only me. I was lucky.” Gabriel pointed at his cheek. “This is nothing compared to what happened to many others. When I woke up in the infirmary, everything was over. They were dead––and I survived.”
Tears streamed down Birdie’s face.
“So, you see, Birdie.” Gabriel shook his head. “I can’t ever lead men again. I lead them to death and destruction. People are better not to put their trust in me––including you.”
That night,Birdie fell into a troubled sleep. She dreamt about a war she’d never seen; she heard the cannons, saw the blood on the battlefield. Amid everything was him. On his knees, weeping. A beautiful strain of music played over the scene of carnage.
