Women are tigresses, never more so than when pregnant, and never more so than when the father of their child has told them he wants nothing more to do with them. I was beside myself with worry. I thought they might hurt me and that I might lose you.
I didn’t want the responsibility for the glossary or the letter any longer; I didn’t think I was the right person. I wanted to give them to someone else, but I’d lost the ability to access them. Your father had rejected me so completely, I couldn’t even think of a way to get myself inside the family home, let alone his library.
There was only one solution I could think of: destroy them. I didn’t care if I was destroying history, as long as that meant I could keep my child safe. I waited until nobody was home, and I burned your father’s library down.
It was the most terrifying and necessary thing I’ve ever done, but afterward I was able to sleep at night, knowing that you and I were safer.
But imagine how I’ve felt over the past few days, knowing that the glossary and letter survived because the book I hid them in had been moved before the library burned. Knowing that you have been recruited to work on it. Knowing that someone has pieced some or all of this together and is using you.
Terror doesn’t describe it adequately.
I introduced you to my world because I hoped it would give you joy. I never dreamed it would put you in such danger. When I disabled the fire protection system your grandfather installed, and I lit that flame, when I ran from it and felt its heat on my back after it grew large, and hungry, when I knew the glossary would soon be ashes, I thought I’d saved myself and you.
Josephine told me that some objects hold tremendous power. Not because of what they are, but because of what they represent. The glossary and the letter are two such objects. I don’t know why. I only know that the people who want them are very dangerous and have powerful backing.
If you’ve managed to find them, you should put a match to them and finish what I started.
It’s the only solution to keep you out of danger.
Whatever you do, don’t come to me. They will know where I am. You should go into hiding for a while. You’re resourceful and brilliant. I know you can do it. It won’t be forever.
If all this sounds melodramatic, or crazy, it isn’t. I may be unwell, but I’m still sharp, and I’m the person who cares most about you in the world. I love you so much.
One more thing. Don’t contact me, either. Not for a while. It’s too dangerous. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll know you’re safe. Nothing else will persuade me you are. But I will be sending love, as always and forever.
Mum xxxx
Viv
Viv sat quietly beside Rose’s bed as the doctor examined her chart. He was a very good-looking man, very distinguished. She sat up a little straighter, but he didn’t look at her. He was focused on Rose.
“How are we feeling today, Mrs. Brown?” he asked.
“It’s Ms. Brown, and not too good. I had a bad night,” Rose said.
Viv glanced at Rose, surprised. Viv hadn’t been at the hospital long this morning, but Rose looked much better than yesterday, even if she was a little quiet. Viv had put that down to Rose being upset that Viv hadn’t brought her phone to the hospital. “I’m so sorry,” Viv had told her when Rose asked for it. “I was rushing to tidy the house before I left, and I forgot to grab it.” She hadn’t, of course. The phone was in her handbag, which was sitting at her feet, but Viv didn’t want Rose to have it just now.
He stabbed a finger at her chart. “Judging from this, I should say you’re ready to go home today, aren’t you?” he asked. “Have you had any new symptoms overnight?”
Rose hesitated. “No,” she said. Viv frowned at her reluctant tone. Rose was normally desperate to get home from the hospital. Vivdidn’t like the way that Rose was looking at her, either. It was like Rose was assessing her. Suspecting her? Viv didn’t think she’d given Rose any reason to, but Rose was sharp.
“Just a bad night’s sleep then,” the doctor said, “in which case I’m happy to discharge you. I’ll write up some antibiotics for you to take home with you. Do you live alone?”
“No,” Rose said. She didn’t meet Viv’s eye. Viv took note of that, too, but if Rose was becoming suspicious, it was nothing Viv couldn’t handle, nothing she hadn’t planned for.
“I live with her,” she said, and the doctor nodded approvingly. “Excellent. Then you’re all set.”
“I’ll be back in a second,” Viv mouthed to Rose as the doctor gave the nurse some instructions. Rose nodded. Viv went to the visitor bathroom on the ward and locked herself in. She used the encrypted app the Order had installed on her phone to send a message to her mentor:
They’re discharging her today.
She got an immediate reply:
You know what to do.
Anya
King’s Cross Station was crowded when Sid and I got off the train. I was still reeling from Mum’s email. We wove through the crowds to the exit and crossed the road straight into St. Pancras Station next door and then out the other side of it, to the British Library.
