“Cor—”
“I’m not hungry!” The words burned as they came out, and when the light airfell, I knew I couldn’t look at them.
Fuck sake.These girls were the last people who needed my anger.
I promise, I really was trying not to let the world's words turn me into whatthey already thought I was. But it was hard. Anger burned the same as sadness in my body, and finding the line between them some days was like trying to find a diamond earring in murky waters.
But I was really trying.
I shook my head, lifting it slightly to catch all three sets of eyes. “I’m sorry.” Irushed, sinking into their stares and finding nothing but the same glimmer of care I always saw in them.
Giving Daisy a quick smile, I took a bite. “Thank you for the pancakes.”
Their smiles pulled tight, and as the hot April sun beamed through thehouse, illuminating the dust particles, the morning resumed.
These table chats were something we did every morning, or at least we tried to.With Rory’s skating schedule getting more intense by the day, it was rare to see her here so late. Which made me remember to hug her extra tight before she left.
Daisy had been constantly rehearsing with her band, The Bitterroots, and they had over five thousand monthly listeners now. One of their songs was playing now, in fact.
And Goldie, when she wasn’t conquering the psychology wing on campus, shewas off in some corner of a private jet, kissing the face off Tristan Harper.
And I didn’t blame her because… well, hello! It’s Tristan Harper.
But even with us all sat here, I felt removed from it, like I was watching ascene through frosted glass. I hadn’t been involved much since the attack. By my choice, not theirs. I did the odd grocery run here, a Pin’s coffee drive-by there, but it was nothing compared to the girls lives.
I’d been put on hold entirely, but that was changing today.
As the day flashed through my mind, I couldn’t help but think of all thosepeople, all those stares, and before I knew it I was gripping my mug tighter than necessary. I was used to the looks, don’t get me wrong, but this time the looks would carry the questions. The murmurs.
It’s her. Look!
I heard she made the whole thing up.
But did you see what she was wearing that night?
Just another slut who was all mouth and got scared when he got a hard-on.
Oh, believe me, I’ve read it all. Even though I shouldn’t have. But what elsewas I supposed to do? My entire life was online, for God’s sake.
I scraped my chair back, standing, knowing that if I didn’t, I never would. “I should go.”
Silence hung over us for the first time all morning as their attentions lifted tome.
“Take your tea to go,” Daisy said, pressing the warm thermos intomy hands before I could argue.
I forced a smile, tucking the purple thing into my tote bag. “Thanks.” My eyescast to them from the kitchen doorway, skimming over their outfits, a vibrant mix of spring colours and ditsy floral patterns.
I tried not to think about how much happier they looked without me darkeningthe room. For one, I knew it wasn’t true. I knew they never saw things like that. ButIdid, and since the attack, since the hibernation, my silly little mind had time to wander darker paths that I was otherwise too busy to notice.
My eyes squeezed shut as I shook my head. “Love you.” They sprang open,as I stole breath, one that kept me grounded. “I’ll be back by six.”
I headed towards the door with a half smile, walked out to a chorus ofI loveyou’s.
Pulling on the handle, letting the rush of air blow away the nerves, I thought ofwhat I’d try to paint today.Trybeing the keyword. I’d bank on me coming home by lunch, to be honest.
But the second I stepped outside, I froze.
Because standing in the way of the next chapter of my life, dead centre on the open porch was… a wall.
