Her voice dropped, and her hand warming my icy fingers. “Fancying you has nothing to do with it. It’s just the truth.” She squeezed my hand again, and my eyes were back on hers. “Although I would like to touch back on the whole fancying you thing.”
I was about to sound like such a hypocrite after completely ignoring the feelings I was having for Marcus. Feelings was the wrong word. But whatever it was felt like a niggle in the centre of my chest that was only going to grow and fester if I didn't kill it off. Because Marcus was Marcus. He might as well have had the words OFF LIMITS shining over his head at all times.
But with Rainie… maybe I needed this.
This night was showing me all the ways I should trust my instincts and live my life the way I wanted to. And if exploring whatever this pull was between us, then… fuck it.
I hadn’t realised how close our faces had gotten in the quiet moments since she’d confessed to liking me, but that pull was strong, and I wasn’t in my head enough to stop what was happening.
"You're pretty." She whispered, noses brushing.
Something bloomed in my stomach, deepening when our cupids bows touched. "You're awfully close to be whispering things like that."
I'd never been more thankful for moody lighting in my life, because if anyone had noticed us, I would have backed away. Even then, when Rainie's delicate hand rose to my cheek, the voices in my head vanished. I was able to take another breathbefore her mouth collided with mine, and in the dark corner of the theatre we’d taken up, she kissed me.
Our mouths moved slowly, thankfully not loud enough to draw attention to whatever was happening. I loved the irony, but this didn’t need an audience. A second went by, and her hand slid to the side of my neck, while her other wandered to the exposed part of my leg. I was fully ready to let my tongue caress hers, prepared to lift my hand to the back of her neck and hold her there, when she squeezed, and my heart stopped.
In a matter of milliseconds, I was back in the limo. My heart was pounding in my ears. My skin was slick with sweat. My breaths weren’t really breaths at all, as though I’d climbed to the highest possible altitude where I could still survive, but one wrong move, and I’d be dead.
His face was in my head. It was everywhere. North sea eyes. Storm clouds hanging over him. Over me. Haunting what should have been a nice moment and making me squirm in my seat.
Like he was here.
Who was I kidding? He was probably hacking into the cameras right now, watching me think I was safe. Laughing as I realised just how much of a lie that thought was.
I tried to stay calm, tried to ease my mouth away from Rainie’s as softly as I could. Because this wasn’t her fault. If anything the guilt of ruining this was worse than the memories in my head. She thought she was kissing her crush. But instead, she was kissing someone who thought that she was ready for this, when clearly, she wasn’t.
When her mouth left mine, it rose into a soft smile, enough to tell me that whatever I’d done whilst panicking was good enough in her books. I stole a nervous breath, tucking a short curl behind my ear as my head fell to my lap. My heart was still pounding, and I needed to calm down before I started crying right as the film started and the doors were locked.
I racked my brain for any combination of words, anything to stop this from turning awkward, when I watched her head lean ever so softly to the right, her eyes looking past me. I clocked as her eyes turned curious, pupils dilating, like she was hunting for something. My curiosity piqued, and quicker than I could think, I spun around to see what her attention was on.
I didn’t have to look for long, as looking right at us was a man with mousy blonde hair that was blown out and gracing his shoulders. He had blue eyes that could have been green, but he was too far away to really tell, and a jawline that made him look like Hermes.
But the only thing worth noting was how he looked both furious and intrigued by what he was watching. Or rather, what he was being teased with.
Oh. God.
She was using me.
I turned my head back around, tracing her mouth as it quivered with every excuse she could have chosen from. Those ivy eyes were darting between mine, panic gleaming between every shade. “Cora,” she pleaded. “I’m sorry, I just—”
“Save it.” I lifted my hand, sitting back, letting the air thin out between us. But my mouth had other ideas. “You know,I thought I’d finally found a friend at these things that wasn’t just after something. But everyone is always after something, aren’t they?” I shook my head at her. “Good luck with that one, Rainie.”
I got up before her hand gripped mine enough to tug me back to my seat, fast enough that I could ignore the sting of tears in the corners of my eyes, blurring the theatre.
“Miss, the film is starting. Please take your seat.” Some guy who was guarding the door urged.
“I’ve seen enough, thanks.” I pushed past him and bolted through the door, the right side of my body slamming into gold plating as I rushed past.
As I stumbled into the foyer, I looked around for the exit, my eyes darting everywhere but the place I needed, as I reclaimed my breath, all the while trying to process what had happened to make me go from the happiest I'd been in months, back to the emotional wreck I'd come to know myself as.
I’d just kissed someone. A girl. A girl I could have liked. But she didn’t like me. She was using me. Just like the rest of the fucking world. I suppose this was one way of the universe telling me that I wasn’t ready for anything remotely romantic just yet.
Subtle as always.
It felt like my breath was running further and further away from me the more I got it in my head. I felt weighted, falling every which way but never staying upright. My knees weakened as I wandered for an exit. And then I think I started to cry.
Maybe it was from exhaustion. Or maybe it was from realising how stupid coming here really was.
