My head shook again. “She talks to me. But…”
“You don’t talk to her?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“Why?” She asked, rubbing her eyes and sitting up.
I shrugged. “All of me still feels guilty for what happened. Like… I haven’t really forgiven myself.”
Her hand rested on my jaw. “Not that I blame you for what happened, but I forgive you. You know that, right?”
I nodded. “I do now.”
She smiled softly. “And I don’t know Lana, but you said she was smart. So part of me can’t help but guess that she forgives you too.” My head sank, but she caught it. “Maybe, like me, she realises that everything, even the bad things, happens for a reason.” Her head shook, like her mind was wandering. “I couldn’t see it at first, but if Jamie hadn’t done what he did, we wouldn’t have met. And the idea of not knowing you makes me sad.”
Maybe I just love her.
“Me too.”
Those two words weren’t nearly enough for what I’d feel if I was living in a world where her smile wasn’t a daily sight. I know I wouldn’t enjoy this city as much as I did with her to guide me through it. And I know that without her, as much as Romano satisfied my need for making everything right, I wouldn’t be happy.
She was the moonlight when the street lamps weren’t working. The lighter edge of a storm cloud. She was the kind of rain that you enjoy, the kind that makes you wish for winter to be a yearly season. She was all the parts of the world that I liked and the parts of myself that I didn’t.
And she was right, under any other circumstances, our paths would have never crossed.
So yeah, to put it lightly, if she hadn’t been hurt, if I didn’t make mistakes, I wouldn’t have the girl of my dreams wrapped in my arms.
As the words settled in my head, I let my hand smooth out her hair, and when it cupped the back of her neck I tugged herclose enough to kiss her. Her lips were perfect, like they always were. It was only quick.
I let her go, readjusted the blankets and found the remote that had slipped from her hands and pressed play. And this time, as I watched Katniss lay flowers delicately around Rue’s body, I wasn’t as sad as I was before.
chapter thirty three
The end credits were rolling, the sky outside pitch black. And as I dipped my eyes to hers, I realised that if the world ended right now, I wouldn’t care. Because Cora Holland was asleep in my arms, all the while I was falling deeply, and irrevocably in love with her.
chapter thirty four
the worlds smallest man
“Ithink the most shocking part of that story was that Marcus has never seen The Hunger Games before.”
I laughed so hard that I nearly stumbled backward into the stack of cold coffee cups. It was nice laughing again. I could do it without feeling guilty that I should be getting over what happened. But part of getting over things was getting on with normal life, and my life before everything was full of laughter.
So I laughed, loud enough that I’m sure the entirety of Flo’s heard. But I didn’t care.
“It’s mad, right? Who in our generation didn’t watch them as they were coming out?”
Rory snorted, tapping out the old coffee grounds as her espresso poured.
“Maybe that’s because your ancient boyfriend isn’t from our generation.”
I rolled my eyes, wiping down the counters. “Okay, one: he’s twenty-seven, calm down. And two, he’s not my boyfriend.”
“After what you've just told me he’s as good as!” She beamed. “Wild sex aside, you’ve been by his side since we came back from London.”
There was no point trying to hide the blush that had invaded my cheeks. “Because that’s the arrangement. To be by my side.”
“Yeah, and which of you hated that arrangement a few months ago?” She poured her coffee over her iced milk, no doubt swimming in vanilla syrup.
