When she steps out, Amara grabs our plates and empty beer and water bottles. She walks out too, then returns a few minutes later with a cup of cider. As we wait on Wren, Amara changes the song and repeats “Silent Night”.
“What’s taking her so long?” Amara says after more minutes pass.
“I’ll check,” I tell her, then stand. I walk down the long hall to the end. I haven’t been past the guest bathroom until now but I figure Wren won’t mind. We’ve crossed a line in our relationship. When I reach the last room, I see her. She’s sitting on a large bed with a large white box in her hand, staring down into it, appearing deep in thought, so before walking in, I lightly tap the door. Her head lifts and I see tears on her cheek. She tries to quickly wipe them away but I see them and the sight causes my chest to tighten. “You good?” I ask as I step into the room and she shrugs then shakes her head.
Instinctively, I step to her, wanting to right whatever is wrong. Slowly, I sit on the bed beside her and drape my arm around her. She rests her head on my shoulder then sighs. I glance into the box and see a beige cowboy hat.
“We put this up every year and I’m normally okay. I don’t know why I’m crying this year,” she says, then wipes her teary eyes. She removes the hat from the box. “This was my dad’s favorite hat, so we use it as the tree topper,” she says as she runs her fingers around the brim. “I miss him,” she says and her voice cracks. Quickly, she places the hat back in the box and practically jumps up. She wipes her face then says, “I’ve got toget it together for Amara. She can’t see me like this,” she says while quickly shaking her head.
I stand and step to her. From behind, I wrap my arms around her and pull her back into me. “It’s okay to cry. I’m sure she’ll understand. She lost him too,” I tell her.
After resting her head back onto my chest, she says, “I’m all she has, so I need to hold it together for her. If I crumble…” she starts, then stops. She shakes her head again. “I just have to be strong and take care of her.”
“You don’t have to be strong all the time, especially not with me. I got you,” I tell her. Even though I’ve only known Wren a few days, I already know how I feel about her. As long as I’m around, she’s good. I’ll make sure she always is.
She doesn’t respond with words. Instead, she places her hands on my arms then squeezes lightly. Then she inhales and exhales deeply before tapping my arms. I release her and she walks into her bathroom. She leaves the door open and I watch as she splashes water on her face then wipes it off with a washcloth. When she walks out, she steps into my space.
“Thank you,” she says before softly pecking my lips. “I’m ready.”
She walks to her bed and grabs the box. When she walks out, I’m right behind her. As if she didn’t just have a moment in the room, her huge smile spreads on her face before we walk back into the living room.
“You found it,” Amara gushes.
Chapter 12
Wren
The tree is done and it’s beautiful. Amara’s choice of red and gold was perfect. Her gift bags for her teachers are also filled and labeled. It’s late, almost eleven, and she’sdownstairs in her bed. I’m still up and so is Meleck. After showering and changing into pjs, I met Meleck here in the attic. We’re comfortably chilling in the bed. Our backs are on the headboard and I’m sipping my much-needed cup of apple cider and vodka.
I lost it this evening.
I let my emotions get the best of me…
But he was there and he’s here now.
Losing my dad five years ago was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. Seemingly out of the blue, he got sick and deteriorated rapidly. Three months after his terminal diagnosis, he died. The first man to love me and the only parent who loved us enough to stick around was gone. He left me the ranch and my ten-year-old little sister, who was devastated.
Amara and the ranch needed me, so I left my senior year at Crescent Falls University, came home, and accepted my new role in Amara’s life. I couldn’t grieve. I couldn’t break down and I couldn’t cry. I had to keep it together for her and the sake of our family ranch. For her, I swallowed my grief and put up a brave front.
For five years, that front was solid. I’ve held it all together, but tonight, something was different. My front crumbled, and when I retrieved my dad’s hat box from the back of my closet, I broke down. My tears started to fall and I couldn’t stop them. I definitely couldn’t let Amara see me weak. So I stayed in my room and tried to pull my shit together for her.
“You good?” he asks as his fingers trace nothing on my arm.
“I am now,” I admit honestly, because I am, thanks to him.
He’s here, holding me. He’s been holding me since I ventured up here. With no judgement, he wrapped his arms around me and held me until I cried my eyes out. And when my tears stopped falling, he coaxed me onto this bed and held me longer.
I can’t explain it, and Lord knows, it doesn’t make any sense but I’m comfortable with Meleck. He makes me feel safe enough to let my guard down and be what I’ve never been…vulnerable.
“Do you want me to turn the TV on?” he asks.
“No. I like this. I don’t want to hear anything but our voices.”
“You like my voice?” he asks with lightness in his baritone.
“I do,” I admit.
“Well, let me tell you something. I have a confession to make,” he says and I instantly tense.
