“I can’t sleep, period,” Luna replies, “because my bed’s full of other people.”
We ignore her, Aisling hunting forThe Dark Crystal: Age of Resistanceon Netflix while I plug in a box fan. Then I snuggleclose to Ash, tousling her hair until her eyes grow heavy. The familiarity of my loves—Aisling wearing her mother’s tie-dye maxi skirt, fabric bunched together at the waistband with a scrunchie because it’s too big on her; Zelda’s river of orange-red hair, scented with sea, sunlight, and coconut; the sunflower tattooed on Luna’s shoulder, the small bump on her narrow nose in profile—all combine to form a thick lump in my throat. No matter what happens, where I go, how badly I mess up, I’ll never lose these three.
“So,” Zelda mentions finally, with a careful eye toward her sleeping niece, “what’s all this gossip I’ve been missing?”
At last, I tell them both about Alex. How right it feels, being close to him again, and how terrifying. I tell them about Miles. The subject wanders to kids in general.
“I love being able to get up in the morning and work all day long if I want to,” Zelda says, kneading a knot in her calf. “Not fitting my day around others’ needs. I love the freedom of knowing I could jump on a plane tomorrow, fly around the world, stay gone as long as I want.”
“Mm,” Luna and I both hum.
“Sometimes men lie to me. Say they’d be good with not having kids, but then it turns out they thought they could change my mind. I’m tired of always feeling like I have to justify my reproductive choices.”
I tie a gold thread at the end of a thin braid I’ve woven into her hair. I’ve always loved playing with Zelda’s beautiful hair. When I was little, she cut it to chin-length and I actually cried, which she and Luna teased me for. Such are the woes of being the baby sister. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh, and a favorite pickup line,” she goes on. “You’d look so good pregnant with my baby.”
“Ew! Has someone seriously said that to you?”
“An old landlord. All credit goes to him for my transition to the camper van lifestyle.”
“Gross.” Luna makes a face. “Give me his name and address.”
“Feels like everybody thinks they know what I want better than I do, trying to convince me my life has a hole in it. That it doesn’t have enough meaning unless I’m a parent, that I won’t know real love unless I have children, and I’ll change my mind sooner or later. Like I have to have kids in order to be a whole, fulfilled person.”
Understanding crosses Luna’s face. “Something happen with Zeke?”
Zelda releases a long, slow exhale. “It’s over.”
“He do something to you?”
“No, he was perfectly wonderful.”
Luna and I exchange glances. “Then what happened?” I venture. Much like her penchant for moving restlessly around the country, she’s swift to end relationships before they’ve truly begun.
“Idid,” she replies darkly, emotionally zipping up. “I happened.”
When she doesn’t elaborate, I sense her desire for a change of subject. “You’re whole just as you are, Zelda,” I tell her. “I love your life for you. I love Luna’s life for her. Both are equally worthy.”
“What about yours?” Luna’s looking at me.
“I love mine for me. For now. But you both know I want kids. It’s so weird, the peer pressure we get, to have them when you’re young and energetic, to have them when you’re older and more settled—”
“To have another one the second you’ve popped out yourfirst,” Luna cuts in. “I get that from Dad and Dawn sometimes.When are you going to give Aisling a sister? She must be so lonely!”
“Boundaries!”
“There aren’t any.” Zelda folds her pillow in half, punching it to get comfy. “Why do I have to justify myself? What’s wrong with being fulfilled by working and traveling?”
I like to stay busy with my work, but I’m a homebody. “Whenever I’m away from Moonville, I spend the whole time thinking,This is nice, but I can’t wait to go home. I find traveling stressful.”
“You’d have to pry me out of this town with an ice pick,” Luna declares. “You know, at this stage of my life, I can’t see myself having another baby. I used to be eaten up with guilt over that, not giving Ash a sibling, like she was missing out, but if I’d had another kid, I wouldn’t have been able to give Ash as much time and attention. Now, Ash has everything she wants, so I don’t regret it. I think society makes women second-guess their choices no matter what they are.”
“Give me all of the babies,” I declare. “I want five.”
“Five!” they crow.
“I thought the magic number was three?” Luna props her chin in hand.
