“Marigold...Says...So Long,” he croaks.
“Incorrect!” She rears back in outrage, grabbing the throw pillow he’s clutching for dear life and tossing it at one of her great-grandchildren. Athena and Felix have thirteen-ish children between them, and they seem to be in competition to see who can bequeath the most unfortunate name: they started out okay, with Olivers and Daisys, but now we’ve got Domino, Ichabod, Octavian, Honeysuckle Lou, Minnesota Moon, and Peach Tree. I’m pretty sure that the kid who just took a pillow to the face is called Frangipane.
“Your favorite film might beThat Feeling in the Air,” Mom supplies helpfully.
“I love that one,” Hall insists, but Grandma scowls, waving him off.
“Too late. Don’t patronize me.” Then she glides out of the room without another word, and Hall’s face blanches, mouth dropping open. He turns to me.
“Does she hate me?”
“Of course not!” Mom exclaims, then rushes after her mother.
Dad turns toward us. Digests the sight of Hall and me together. “So. Tell me about yourself, Hall. How’d you two meet?”
My mind goes blank.
“Whole Foods,” I reply as Hall says, “Baseball.”
Dad stares. “What?”
I want a private word with my so-called boyfriend, so I place my hand on Hall’s knee. My father instantly jumps up, making a hasty exit. “Be right back.”
Hall is still staring at my hand when I retract it, then pinch him. “Baseball?” I hiss.
“It’s an American pastime,” he hisses back.
I wave him off. “Fine, that one’s on me. We should’ve come up with a How We Met story before we got here. Also. Alimo? Why’d you get a limo!?”
“It’s the classiest of all the vehicles. You name a classier vehicle than a limousine, I dare you.”
“You watch too many movies.” I wonder when he stole my father’s entire outfit, copying not only Dad’s shirt but his slacks and watch, as well. He’s very suggestible. “Don’t wear my dad’s clothes, it’s creepy.”
“That’s how I’ll make him like me. Also, movies are my favorite thing in the universe.” He’s getting worked up. “After bayberry candles and Thomas Kinkade landscapes. I gave us an impressive limo. I’m using fashion psychology to earn your dad’s approval. I’m pulling out all the stops here, and it’s like you don’t even appreciate it.”
“You fainted in the doorway,” I remind him. “I warned you my grandmother was a witch and not to fawn over her, but what did you do?”
“Okay, so yes, I fell to pieces. That is true. But in my defense, she looked directly at me. Her magnetism wasn’t diluted through a television screen. It was a holiday miracle.”
“You need to bulk up your armor or she’s going to eat you alive. Lessmerry and bright, more hard-ass. The best way to repel this fanged, mind-reading predator is to be aloof, acting as if you’re not impressed or interested in anything you see here. Like you’ve got dark secrets and a heart of steel.” He looks devastated at the thought. “P.S., stay away from my brother, Felix. He’s a snake.”
“Hey, there,” says my brother.
“Hey, there!” I echo loudly before Felix can finish speaking, turning to plaster on a huge smile as he enters the room. I can hear Mom’s contagious, bubbly laughter from the kitchen. It sounds like she’s talking to herself, which means she’s probably talking to Athena, who floats from room to room with large, haunted eyes like a tragically drowned Shakespearean character who communicates in backhanded whispering. “Felix! I’ve missed you tons.”
“Aw, you liar.” He tosses a duffel bag of his belongings into my lap, which I throw off me, and takes a huge bite out of a cookie that I’m willing to bet he was just told he couldn’t eat before dinner. Mouth full, he says to Hall, “Who’re you?”
Hall is stricken. “Me?”
“Nice to meet you, Me.” Felix goes to shake his hand, but withdraws as soon as Hall sticks his out.
“Don’t be an asshole,” I snap.
“I’m not an asshole. You’re an asshole.” He considers. “Did you hear about my new movie?”
Don’t ask for details, I think forcefully in Hall’s direction, wondering when somebody’s going to notice my excellent clothes. I’m here to show off, but no one’s commented on my Ariel Gordon Dynasty Diamond Necklace ($10,950.00) made with 324 diamonds, whichI’ve paired with the black vest Keanu Reeves wore inBill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure(priceless).
Hall doesn’t heed my unspoken plea, perking up. “What movie?” I notice that a Band-Aid has appeared on his arm, just like the one Felix has.
